What not to do (a newbies guide)

[serialkiller]

i have been noticing a lot of new people on this board lately, and a lot of questions are being asked without reading about it first.
so i am going to make a list of stuff NOT to do for the new people who are getting into this hobby

please feel free to add to this thread. and maybe it will become archives.

1. dont buy a kit.
you will get ripped off. if they were as easy as they looked. everybody and their mother would be using them. and consequently this board would not exist!!

2 dont ask questions unless you have looked in the archives first.
please read the archives first.thats what it is there for!!

3.dont start big.
learn the pf tek first. is is by far the easiest and best growing guide available ANYWHERE.

4. dont tell every body on the board that you are growing to sell and make some cash. this board can be monitored.. and its just not that smart.

5. dont ask where to get some mushrooms.
the good people on this board will not stand for it. and its just not cool.

6.dont get out of line with anyone.
we are trying to keep this board as friendly as possible.( and i personally dont want this place to turn into the shroomery) we have a very relaxed atmosphere lets keep it that way.

7. dont get upset if your question wasnt answered.
sometimes we dont read a post that has been around for a while. if you really want an answer them bump the thread. and i am sure it will be answered.

8.dont ask for freebies.
there has been a lot of stuff going around the mushroom community about getting freebies. my advise stick around for a while ( about 6 mo to a year) and then ask. only if you really need it. i personally would not hesitate if someone i knew well on the board needed something.

9.dont move on to something harder.
dont move up the myco ladder untill you have perfected what you are working on. a lot of failure has happened this way.
take your time and learn everything you can.

10. this isn't a dont but i think it is a good suggestion.
make friends.
stay on the board as much as possible and pop into chat every now and then and let us know what you are doing.


i cant think of anymore right now so i will leave it up to you guys to help me out.

peace
serialkiller

11. Dont worry, be happy

12. Dont cut corners with the PF tek! Follow it to the letter to get results !!

Listen to what these guys are telling you, nobody is putting them up to this I can promise you

Simple Cubie Tek

material to system announcements.

[maliki]

11. Be patient . All good things take time to come to those who wait . In this time that you are waiting its important to spend some time in the Archives Also important to note that the Glossary most times makes a nice refrence for a quick guide to the Archives

Having some experience being a newbie, and hearing some stories from other newbies on the site, I came up with some things that I think people in that situation should hear before they start growing. So without further ado,

The "So You Want To Grow Shrooms" Quiz

1. Where do you live?
You really should only be doing this in your own apartment/home. Growing in a college dorm is a felony conviction waiting to happen, and if you love your parents, growing in their house sets them up for a legal liability that they probably don't want, and if you don't love them, you are essentially growing right under the noses of two narcs.

2. Do you want to be the mushroom guru?
People may argue with me on this one, but I think that despite the joy/notoriety of turning lots of people on, this is REALLY dangerous. In a legal sense, lots of people know you and and your activities, which ups the likelihood of getting narced. And also, you are giving people a chemical which may very well disagree with them in a serious manner. Shrooms are probably the safest true psychedelic, and god knows they have potential to make your life better, but nevertheless, any endorsement must be prefaced with "YOUR MILEAGE WILL VARY" I don't think I could ever live with myself if a friend of mine had a latent psychosis surface after I tripped them. (again, the chances of this happening with acid are less than 1/1,000 , and shrooms are widely thought to be safer, but think how much it would SUCK to find that thousandth person)

3. Where is your sitter?
You need one for your first couple trips, and having one around any time you enter uncharted territory dosage-wise is probably good. This works in reverse, too, if you are giving shrooms to somebody for the first time, it's a friendly (and ethical) gesture to stick around and chill. Who you are with shapes the experience immensely. keep that in mind.

4. What does it all mean?
Perhaps fortunately, it is impossible to spend the rest of your life in a psilocybin induced nirvana. Call me sentimental, but shrooms are much more than a roller coaster with flashing lights, and the most important thing with this, as with all other religious/ mystical/ transcendental experiences is to integrate it into your non-dreaming life. What purpose does all of this madness serve? I suppose there are some for whom shrooms are just good, clean fun, and I don't disrespect that. I, personally, can't ignore the other, more "serious" side of the experience.

ok, i might be talking out my ass, but I thought I'd share

-balthazaar

PS and definitely, if you're going to try hoasca, try two hits (whatever that is for you) of shrooms first, because that shit is another level entirely

[maliki]

Above all Safety.............

PPS. in my experience, it is those law-breakers who are paranoid bordering on the delusional that evade jail time.

PPPS. And distribution is obviously the single most risky thing you can do with mushrooms short of waving them in front of a cop.

more thots:

people who charge $50+ for cubie syringes should re-examine their lives.

and sterility is the one thing that will kick every newbie in the ass. As boxed says, don't cut corners! unless of course, you want to start a trich plantation.

12. Shroomzilla is king, he gets the option of sleeping with ALL Of your daughters BEFORE they marry. So, check with the Dr. First...

[serialkiller]

LOL@ dr.cubensis.

what i learned my 1st time: don't crank the lids down really tight as it SUCKS when ya can't unscrew the lid n it's hard to find a pliers that large.

oh yea, remember to be able to laugh at yourself when ya do stupid sh*t like that as it's a learning process n enjoy the process funk ups n all.

n on the topic of screwing up, don't put everything you have(supplies) into your 1st try as if something goes wrong it's nice to have supplies left over to do it again right(pf-tek to the letter will not fail).

If you can't hold on to said over-tightened lids put on yellow cleaning gloves [we all know you have more than the one pair glued to a box ]
Insta-proved Gripping Action!
...oh yeah, and better traction too

Could some list like this be placed on the sign up page or somewhere where a newbie will definetely see it before posting. If it's in the archives people will still ask the ?'s and you'll still have to link them to the answers.

Even just a link. Like:
Attention Newbies
read this before posting

[skylax]

i have seen many of these lists floating around here in the past. where did they all go?

i guess the archives,
we'll put this one in System Announcements.

good stuff killer. but if theyre not reading the archive 1st, what would make you think they would read this list? im with you on this list bro, many good ideas presented.

i a month old on this site and i can tell you that now i have the hang of finding things and that helps (in the archives) but there is way to entries to go through

Lay off the bong while working in your lab...Ive done made some dumb mistakes being baked like a cake.

being drunk doesn't help much either...

Surfed the Cultivation Links that Fanaticus has up these days.... Blown away.

Changing my whole basic tek to follow Pf's methods.

Incredible. I had been making errors I wasn't aware of, until, I heard it from PF in his no nonsense way of putting things...

The Pf Tek is not an " old " singular tattered document... It's a cutting edge journal of the ABSOLUTE right way to accomplish certain tasks with the knowledge currently available.

As I said, I was blown away, found several errors in my basic tek as I pored over the material...
My perspective has suddenly changed as to how good I thought I was at this hobby. Not nearly as good as I thought.

Anyway, Your tek printed out sooo nicely, and I just wanted to thank you for sticking around and listening to our mindless drivel Pf...

Thanks!

Dr. C.

I hope you don't mind me asking. What were your errors? I've read posts of yours for what seems like almost a year now and I'm really curious.

LOLOLOL!!!

I'm embarrased to say really....
THere were quite a few...

FOr example, somewhere along the way, I completely FORGOT you can 'noculate a jar using a single cc ( spores ) or less.... 3 or 4 jars per syringe is my usual for the last 5, 6 months... Could have been doing ten.

Was not getting the Verm layer on top right, pf states you place substrate in jar, then place dry verm, and then tap it down and THEN add the extra verm to top it off.. Well, wasn't doing that, and, green contams would start in just under the dry verm layer... Couldn't figure it out... Duh! So I've gone back to the basics...

And there were a few others...
read thru my extensive notes, and then read everything again. Feeling back up there w/regard to muh cultivation skillz...

Maybe I AM as good as öthought I was LOLOL!! Or maybe I am just dreaming!!! * grin *
My Teks are fine now... Thank God.

Thanks Doc
Hey nothing to be embarassed about. I think maybe I should go back and re-read now. I haven't been doing my top verm. layer like that. Guess I've been lucky to not get many contams.
So you wasted a little innoculum (or a lot) but at least you got a faster colonization.
As far as the few others, well,glad you got it all worked out.

I havn't been reading as much as I used to but it seems like you haven't posted anything sarcastic in a while. I hope you haven't lost it. I'm kinda like a fan.

Happy Trails

[ion]

Remember to wipe the rim of the jar after loading, and before putting the dry verm barrier in!!

That is the single largest mistake I see...

-ion

[imok]

Unless your loading method never contams the rim of the jar
(think canning funnel, not it, but think it anyway )

I agree w/Bwaa,What happened to the sarcasm, the cynical remarks? I know, you were warned.... I was always lol about alot of comments you had, I think the real shroomzilla was abducted by aliens....

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR SIZE=0><!-Quote-!><FONT SIZE=1>Quote:</FONT>

Was not getting the Verm layer on top right, pf states you place substrate in jar, then place dry verm, and then tap it down and THEN add the extra verm to top it off.. Well, wasn't doing that, and, green contams would start in just under the dry verm layer... Couldn't figure it out... Duh!<!-/Quote-!><HR SIZE=0></BLOCKQUOTE>

man, i wish i had a dollar for every jar i've screwed up by forgetting that tip.

[fanaticus]

Quote:
Was not getting the Verm layer on top right, pf states you place substrate in jar, then place dry verm, and then tap it down and THEN add the extra verm to top it off.. Well, wasn't doing that, and, green contams would start in just under the dry verm layer... Couldn't figure it out... Duh!

That is not in the PF TEK. See what I mean!! The PF TEK is so fucked up around here, it is pathetic.

The PF TEK says to first mix the sub, place it in the jar, tamp down, clean the sides of jar down to the sub level, and then add dry verm to the top.

That has been in the PF TEK since the beginning.

PROF. PF

That's the way I have always done it. I use a plastic canning funnel too, it saves a lot of wiping after the substrate is loaded. The rim of the jar above the substrate must be sparkling clean.

[ion]

Recently got a canning funnel... still can't shake the wiping habit, though.

-ion

Oh, Oh yes Pf.....
I know the tek, spent a lot of time lately rereading it.
I didn't include everything for the sake of brevity ;)
I've alwasy cleaned the inside rim, but, that wasn't the problem I was describing....

The Pf tek is NOT effed up around here.... Only me.
And it's not like I was instructing newbies to apply
your tek backwards :P....

There are only so many steps in yer tek Pf, I know your entire
tek by heart, but been busy with casing and grains and seed lately and
screwed up two batches of jars. I then looked to the Pftek for answers,
and found them, as I knew I would... Didn't mean to get you cursing...
Though, if I was a horny female, that would get me all hot and bothered... Shit, I'm hot right now....

From now on for both of our benefits I will quote directly
from your site when describing Pf tek...

My bad. I apologize.......


LOL @ Bwaa * laughing *

" I'm kinda like a fan. " I truly appreciate that * blush * But unfortunately, I am blind in one eye and can't see out the other... Think I have been banned from mycotopia...twice now??? In the last... 7 or 8 months?
Geez, I have posted entire pages just to rant and requested the mods pull them down within the hour or day... But thats about it lately...

Hippie and Vitti and Nan and none of the other mods wanna put up with my crap.... I tried bribing them with some nice flowers I picked myself, I even offered to share my new ( well, new to me ) toothbrush... But only Vitti and Nan took them ( suckers! ) You should smell Vittis breath now..

Rumor has it he was so preoccupied with his fresh smile and his pretty bouquet he dropped a laptop whilst trying to admire himself in a handheld mirror he has started carrying...

Nan just stared at the toothbrush for hours on end, muttering indecipherable somethings about improving the liquid karo tek with extra whitening crest, a firehose some liquified ragweed and a diesel engine he has in the back yard he was saving for just that purpose...

Apparently, the toothbrush was the key he was missing... But then, Nan believes mushrooms should be free, so he goes cheap... Now he has the brush though, I can't wait to see the tek! ... It sure is going to be something! ;)

Hippie wasn't biting I stood on my head, I cooked him some top ramen, I did naked dirty belly dances for him, we did two man wheelbarrow races in his rock garden in the nude... And more! For the sake of losing and sarcasm I ripped Hippies mask off in a fury just to see what I could see, and hippie was * drum roll please..... * charlton heston.... He told me you wouldn't believe me

After that incident Had ta change my ways for the boring, er, I mean better...
Cause if I continue to ruin good threads with retarded yet satisfying posts such as this one, i'll have to hang at the shroomery, which is an unmoderated free for all, the forest floor ( rather slam my testicles in a door ) Spirit plants, which seems like it only gets like 10 posts a day, total Or the angry gay leatherboy squad hangout down the hall... I had better behave!!

Anyway, where was I? Is it dinnertime!??! What was the subject? Are we there yet:????? Did I hit on another thread ruining tangent!??!?! Dammit...Sokay, if this did get archived, Nan could pull this post ;) He knows I type to see myself.. **
Er... This thread is pretty long.....


Lets wrap it up...

"Guess I've been lucky to not get many contams. "

Yep, I keep a rainforest in my apartment.... and occasionally get blackflies, which tread contam EVERYWHERE.... plus, every color of mold in the book...

"So you wasted a little innoculum (or a lot) but at least you got a faster colonization."

Er, I'm more upset about the extra time added to the HOURS already sweating over the glovebox.... I hate bulk glovebox work sometimes.... Never fails, if there is a way to make something harder, I will seek it out and follow it in circles.....

( HELP! I have been abducted by aliens... I think they are performing sexual experiments on me!!! Help.... Er, on second thought, help me later!! ;0)

LOLOL!!! Well, I just went and stomped all over this thread, but it was ruined before this post was ever posted... er or whatever...

Anyway, still need sources for the cacti stuff, still on hold fer picture collectin.... But planning on both soon....

Peace out, love you guys....
Dr. Cubensis

You forgot " If you are thinking of dealing, be aware that you will prolly become a paranoid skitzo with a bad heart "

But the danger, the connects, the places, the status, the respect, practicing a forbidden art ...... And everything you mentioned above. All worth it.

Nice thread.... * applause *
great topic, and VERY well said//

Dr. C.

How about stoned and drunk, would that make me a democrat???

[ion]

I remember being sad when the good Dr. got banned the first time... now I remember why! That was great! LMAO!!

-ion

ive noticed that a lot of people who just started growing or want to start, have never once tripped in thier lives. so a simple dont..

Dont loose respect for the power of these mushrooms; dont underestimate the power of these mushrooms.
(by respect i mean never trip when in ANY doubt. never trip to escape your problems. Never trip when you have things to do ((dont be a dumbass and eat shrooms before work or school like some people i know)). Just have the highest respect for them....And dont forget that if you have thoughts of selling them.

I recall the one time i did loose respect for them. I just woke up and made a shroom julius to trip all by myself like a dumbass. I was throwing up within an hour.. thinking i was dying. it was horible. Another time i lost respect for the power of psychadelics (please excuse speeling errors), tripped when i was in doubt to begin with. Ended up unable to walk for a little while, throwing up.. got lost in mcdonalds and almost cried. then tried to jump out a window and kill myself because i thought life was a game and (sopposed) death was key to the univrse. A friend who was trippen with me saved my life by grabbing on to me as i tried to jump out. Then i juped down 12 stairs, head first, and knocked myself out. woke up in the (sopposed) afterlife.. it was dull and horrible and i cried my ass off like a little girl. I put my friends parents throgh hell and i fucked myself up really bad. I almost killed myself. but i lived, thankfully. (atleast i became an enlightened master with the key to the universe!!!) LOL, but dont forget it almost cost me my life all beasue i lost my respect.


w&aring;z&euml;n

he's a fun guy.

ROTFLMAO

[serialkiller]

thats very good advise wazen. even though shrooms are harmless most of the time, you can never predict when your going to have a bad trip..

peaace
serialkiller