Hillbilly Joke Contest - Page 2

unsane · 07-04-06, 07:34

During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness.

After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across was, er, female juices.

"But you're balder than I am," protested the customer.

"True," admitted the barber, "but you've gotta admit I've got one hell of a mustache!"

mason420 · 07-04-06, 10:04

Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.

To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Bush's face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering.

Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

Spark · 07-04-06, 17:44

i'm not good at making jokes haha

akoutdoors · 07-04-06, 22:54

What do you do if you get eaten by an elephant?

Run around till you get pooped out!

my daughter told me that one.

mason420 · 07-05-06, 10:41

Has it been a week already?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

XisCumming · 07-06-06, 01:06

Theres this child maybe 4 or 5 years old a little kid ya know knows nothing about life, just innocent... he walks in on his mom while shes in the shower and points at her (ya know where) and goes mom whats that? and she replies its just my sponge hunnie, the little kid says ok and leaves... maybe 20 minutes later he walks in again and looks, but now its gone (She had shaved) and he goes, mommy where did your sponge go, she responds, oh my i must have lost it, the boy says back dont worry mom ill find it and runs out of the room, she goes gets a drink and sits down and the little boy comes running in screaming mommy mommy i just found your sponge, the mom is a little surprised but curious what do you mean son?... the boy says mom the lady next door is washing daddys face with it

pj's_crazyg/f · 07-06-06, 01:39

What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them, the harder they get

What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A Klondike Bar

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breath through something so small?"

What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking she's going to eat me!

What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Why do men pay more for car insurance?
Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving

Three words to ruin a man's ego...
"Is it in?"

What is the cheapest meat?
Deer balls, there under a buck.

hopefully im not too late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

akoutdoors · 07-06-06, 04:40

ok heres my last 1....

A baby seal walks into a club.......

Hillbilly · 07-06-06, 10:40

And the winner is-------

Quote:

Originally Posted by coinboy75

A man gets tired of city life and decides to move to hillbilly country to retire to the woods. He buys a little house and is just putting on the finishing touches when he gets his first visit from a hillbilly neighbor.
"Well welcome to the nieghborhood, slick! How you gettin' along?" says the hillbilly.
"Oh just great, thanks. Lookin' foward to some peace and quiet.", responds the newcomer.
"Well before you get down to the peace and the quiet, there's gonna be a wild party out at my place tonight. Why don't you come on out and I'll show you how us country folk get along".
The newcomer thinks to himself and says, "Hell, why not! What time?"
"Oh, things should be kickin' by about ten." says the hillbilly. "And so you know, expect some drinkin', some smokin', some fightin' and a whole lot o' fuckin'!"
"Well, alright. Sounds like a great time!" responds the newcomer. "Should I expect a lot of people?"
The hillbilly says with a grin, "Naw... Just you and me, partner!"

PM me Coinboy for your prize

mason420 · 07-06-06, 12:05

thats such an old joke

coinboy75 · 07-06-06, 12:45

Maybe so, but you will be too one day. i'll still wish you well...

Stenciler · 07-06-06, 14:31

Congrats, dude. I love a good joke contest.

for HB.

~Hippie3 · 07-06-06, 19:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by mason420

thats such an old joke

so's yer mom

Hillbilly · 07-06-06, 20:28

I got your PM, coinboy and will ship ASAP.
Thanks to all who posted.

cap · 07-06-06, 21:11

cool contest hillbilly thx for the opportunity very kind of ya

Hillbilly · 07-08-06, 20:02

It is always a pleasure to be here and help out.

tbonus · 07-09-06, 12:59

A couple drove down a country road for several miles,not saying a word.An earlier discussion had led to an argument and niether of them wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules,goats,and pigs,the husband asked sarcastically,''Relatives of yours?'' ''Yep,'' the wife replied, ''in-laws''.

tbonus · 07-09-06, 13:16

A man walkes into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.The sales girl notices him and askes if she can help him.He tells her he's looking for some tampons for his wife.She directs him down the proper aisles.A few mins later,he deposits a huge bag of cottonballs and a ball of string on the counter. She says,confused ''Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife''?He answers, ''You see,it's like this,yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's soooo-ooo-ooo much cheaper. So I figure if I have to roll my own........ so does she

tbonus · 07-09-06, 13:23

He's sitting at the table with his gourmet coffee.His son is on the front of the wheaties box,His daughter is on the cover of Business Week,His girlfriend is on the cover of Playboy,And His wife is on the back of the milk carton!

Raindog · 07-09-06, 13:47

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted? With a child's whisper.
"Hello."

"Is your daddy home? " he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mommy there?"

"Yes,"

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
Helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
Landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:

"Me."

Hillbilly · 07-11-06, 11:05

This contest is over but that's funny!

robman1 · 07-11-06, 19:03

oops nvm its over

mason420 · 07-11-06, 19:19

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is
worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost
went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at
the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him
into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Shut up. You know it's funny.

Raindog · 07-11-06, 19:57

Ha!

CannAmerican · 07-13-06, 12:55

07-13-06, 13:29

How did hitler tie his shoes?

In little knotsies!

Bfellowes · 08-14-06, 08:58

This thread is way old , i Know......

"What was the hillbilly's last words?"

"HEY YALL...WATCH THIS!!!"

Mermaidia · 08-14-06, 18:27

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

"But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's
swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT HOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"

Mermaidia · 08-14-06, 18:28

Even though the contest is over I couldn't help myself. I love jokes!

gema · 08-23-06, 10:40

So there's 2 guys. One walks into a bar. The other one ducks.

spunforfun · 08-26-06, 18:32

Two hillbillies are on there way to work and one says to the other one, I need to get some gas. the other one replies, hey the gas station out south of town has a contest for free sex.If you feel up with gas you have to guess a number between 1 thru 10 and if you get it right you get free sex. so south of town they go. they fill up with gas and go inside and theres a guy working the register and the hillbillies say we want to try the contest for free sex, the guy replies what number do you guess. the one hillbillie takes a few seconds and says 2 and the guy replies sorry the number was 7. the two hillbillie leave the store and when they get into the truck the one hillbillie looks at the other one and says I think we got shafted and no one can win free sex.The other hillbillie says, "BULLSHIT !!" my old lady won twice last week!!!!!!

roc · 10-21-06, 15:06

Whats the first thing a girl says after having sex in Virginia?

OK Dad get off you are crushing my cigarettes!

11-25-06, 16:44

Buddha walks up to a hot dog vender and says

" I want one with everything "

~Hippie3 · 11-25-06, 17:15

nah, you screwed it up.
it's "make me one with everything"

onthebrink2 · 11-26-06, 02:47

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, how do you drive this thing.

papalion · 11-26-06, 03:24

Alright then. got to throw my redneck hat in.

How do you circumcise a red neck?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

also reminds me of the time my uncle was in a fishing boat with a DEC agent..

Handed him a burning stick of dynamite and said

Well.. are you here to talk or are you here to fish?

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07-04-06, 22:54	#54 (permalink)
akoutdoors Mycotopiate Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 331	What do you do if you get eaten by an elephant? Run around till you get pooped out! my daughter told me that one. __________________ Stop being such a dick Richard!

07-06-06, 04:40	#58 (permalink)
akoutdoors Mycotopiate Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 331	ok heres my last 1.... A baby seal walks into a club....... __________________ Stop being such a dick Richard!

07-06-06, 14:31	#62 (permalink)
Stenciler Mycotopiate Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 495	Congrats, dude. I love a good joke contest. for HB. __________________ when pigs fly? it's closer than you may think...

07-06-06, 20:28	#64 (permalink)
Hillbilly Sponsor Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 810	I got your PM, coinboy and will ship ASAP. Thanks to all who posted. __________________

07-04-06, 07:34	#51 (permalink)
unsane Big Happy Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 225	During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across was, er, female juices. "But you're balder than I am," protested the customer. "True," admitted the barber, "but you've gotta admit I've got one hell of a mustache!"

07-04-06, 10:04	#52 (permalink)
mason420 Mycotopiate Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 200	Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Bush's face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

07-04-06, 17:44	#53 (permalink)
Spark Mycotopiate Join Date: Jul 1972 Posts: 788	i'm not good at making jokes haha

07-05-06, 10:41	#55 (permalink)
mason420 Mycotopiate Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 200	Has it been a week already? There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

07-06-06, 01:06	#56 (permalink)
XisCumming Mycophiliac Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 61	Theres this child maybe 4 or 5 years old a little kid ya know knows nothing about life, just innocent... he walks in on his mom while shes in the shower and points at her (ya know where) and goes mom whats that? and she replies its just my sponge hunnie, the little kid says ok and leaves... maybe 20 minutes later he walks in again and looks, but now its gone (She had shaved) and he goes, mommy where did your sponge go, she responds, oh my i must have lost it, the boy says back dont worry mom ill find it and runs out of the room, she goes gets a drink and sits down and the little boy comes running in screaming mommy mommy i just found your sponge, the mom is a little surprised but curious what do you mean son?... the boy says mom the lady next door is washing daddys face with it

07-06-06, 01:39	#57 (permalink)
pj's_crazyg/f Mycophiliac Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 20	What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat? A Klondike Bar What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breath through something so small?" What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? Getting fingered by Captain Hook. What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking she's going to eat me! What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys? We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving. Why do men pay more for car insurance? Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?" What is the cheapest meat? Deer balls, there under a buck. hopefully im not too late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

07-06-06, 12:05	#60 (permalink)
mason420 Mycotopiate Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 200	thats such an old joke

07-06-06, 12:45	#61 (permalink)
coinboy75 Mycophiliac Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 32	Maybe so, but you will be too one day. i'll still wish you well...

07-06-06, 21:11	#65 (permalink)
cap dead to the core......... Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,904	cool contest hillbilly thx for the opportunity very kind of ya

07-08-06, 20:02	#66 (permalink)
Hillbilly Sponsor Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 810	It is always a pleasure to be here and help out. __________________

07-09-06, 12:59	#67 (permalink)
tbonus Mycotopiate Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,246	wife vs. husband A couple drove down a country road for several miles,not saying a word.An earlier discussion had led to an argument and niether of them wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules,goats,and pigs,the husband asked sarcastically,''Relatives of yours?'' ''Yep,'' the wife replied, ''in-laws''. __________________ TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT, BUT THREE RIGHTS MAKE A LEFT!

07-09-06, 13:16	#68 (permalink)
tbonus Mycotopiate Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,246	CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walkes into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.The sales girl notices him and askes if she can help him.He tells her he's looking for some tampons for his wife.She directs him down the proper aisles.A few mins later,he deposits a huge bag of cottonballs and a ball of string on the counter. She says,confused ''Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife''?He answers, ''You see,it's like this,yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's soooo-ooo-ooo much cheaper. So I figure if I have to roll my own........ so does she __________________ TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT, BUT THREE RIGHTS MAKE A LEFT!

07-09-06, 13:23	#69 (permalink)
tbonus Mycotopiate Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,246	MANS PERFECT BREAKFAST!! He's sitting at the table with his gourmet coffee.His son is on the front of the wheaties box,His daughter is on the cover of Business Week,His girlfriend is on the cover of Playboy,And His wife is on the back of the milk carton! __________________ TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT, BUT THREE RIGHTS MAKE A LEFT!

07-09-06, 13:47	#70 (permalink)
Raindog Mycophage Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 115	Why Parents Drink The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted? With a child's whisper. "Hello." "Is your daddy home? " he asked. "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No." Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a Helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there" asked the boss, now truly alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just Landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "Me." __________________ It takes a sweet little bullet from a pretty blue gun to put those scarlet ribbons in your hair

07-11-06, 11:05	#71 (permalink)
Hillbilly Sponsor Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 810	This contest is over but that's funny! __________________

07-11-06, 19:03	#72 (permalink)
robman1 Mycophage Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 186	oops nvm its over

07-11-06, 19:19	#73 (permalink)
mason420 Mycotopiate Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 200	With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started. Shut up. You know it's funny.

07-11-06, 19:57	#74 (permalink)
Raindog Mycophage Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 115	Ha! __________________ It takes a sweet little bullet from a pretty blue gun to put those scarlet ribbons in your hair

07-13-06, 12:55	#75 (permalink)
CannAmerican Mycophiliac Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 40

07-13-06, 13:29	#76 (permalink)
~DaGoon Guest Posts: n/a	How did hitler tie his shoes? In little knotsies!

08-14-06, 08:58	#77 (permalink)
Bfellowes Former Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 26	This thread is way old , i Know...... "What was the hillbilly's last words?" "HEY YALL...WATCH THIS!!!"

08-14-06, 18:27	#78 (permalink)
Mermaidia Comfortably Numb Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 4,021	A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... " He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches. "But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT HOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?" __________________ Real tears are not those that fall from the eyes and cover the face but those that fall from the heart and cover the soul.

08-14-06, 18:28	#79 (permalink)
Mermaidia Comfortably Numb Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 4,021	Even though the contest is over I couldn't help myself. I love jokes! __________________ Real tears are not those that fall from the eyes and cover the face but those that fall from the heart and cover the soul.

08-23-06, 10:40	#80 (permalink)
gema XPLORER Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 181	So there's 2 guys. One walks into a bar. The other one ducks. __________________ Freedom from the Known

08-26-06, 18:32	#81 (permalink)
spunforfun Mycophage Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 107	Two hillbillies are on there way to work and one says to the other one, I need to get some gas. the other one replies, hey the gas station out south of town has a contest for free sex.If you feel up with gas you have to guess a number between 1 thru 10 and if you get it right you get free sex. so south of town they go. they fill up with gas and go inside and theres a guy working the register and the hillbillies say we want to try the contest for free sex, the guy replies what number do you guess. the one hillbillie takes a few seconds and says 2 and the guy replies sorry the number was 7. the two hillbillie leave the store and when they get into the truck the one hillbillie looks at the other one and says I think we got shafted and no one can win free sex.The other hillbillie says, "BULLSHIT !!" my old lady won twice last week!!!!!!

10-21-06, 15:06	#82 (permalink)
roc Old Man Join Date: Mar 1970 Posts: 4,456	Whats the first thing a girl says after having sex in Virginia? OK Dad get off you are crushing my cigarettes! __________________ ubuntu! Member of Native Geekaho Tribe. "Think for yourself and question authority"

11-25-06, 16:44	#83 (permalink)
~Poo Guest Posts: n/a	Buddha walks up to a hot dog vender and says " I want one with everything "

11-25-06, 17:15	#84 (permalink)
~Hippie3 DUNG DEALER Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 42,765	nah, you screwed it up. it's "make me one with everything"

11-26-06, 02:47	#85 (permalink)
onthebrink2 Mycophiliac Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 15	Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, how do you drive this thing.

11-26-06, 03:24	#86 (permalink)
papalion Mycotopiate Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 211	Alright then. got to throw my redneck hat in. How do you circumcise a red neck? Kick his sister in the jaw. also reminds me of the time my uncle was in a fishing boat with a DEC agent.. Handed him a burning stick of dynamite and said Well.. are you here to talk or are you here to fish? Last edited by papalion; 11-26-06 at 03:25. Reason: added