Growing, Using and Significant Others

[scoutmaster]

Just curious about how fellow 'topiates handle the sticky situation of significant others and growing/using mushrooms. I currently have a wonderful girl I have been dating 2 years, however I am off at school and have a grow going and enjoy the fruits of my labor from time to time. I also feel guilty about keeping this part of my life from her, but she does not share fully in my liberal view of drugs, so it can be a sore point at times. my question, is it my obligation to tell her about this? or, are somethings just better left unsaid?

[Hippie3]

keep your mouth shut-
nothing will send you to jail
faster
than an angry lover.

[scoutmaster]

agreed, but what to do about the guilt? I feel bad keeping secrets from her as I have been, lets say, not so truthful in the past.

[coastalite]

i agree 100% with hip. mum's the word. in fact, you really shouldn't be telling anyone.

your gf.... she may not rat you out to the authorities (unless you dump her or do something to piss her off), but she might drop you like a hot tomale if she's anti-drugs. to avoid the guilt just think of it as what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

[dragonstud725]

I agree 100% I would not tell her she is just your gf. My wife didnt know about my diffrent grow projects untill 7 months after we were married and thats because she stumbled upon them.

[golly]

Shouldn't feel guilt for your Girlfriends intolerance but don't blame her either, as it's a rational opinion in her mind..
Proly should find a way to eventually come together on this if your looking for long term relations..
When you say drug use, she proly hears drug abuse - big difference in reality..

[Hippie3]

guilt has always been handled best
by rationalizing .
like the man said
if the shit ever hits the fan
it's better for all concerned
if she knows nothing.

[Lefty]

Rare is the time one has to worry about personal details someone doesn't know about them...
At the same time, how upset would she be if she found out unexpectedly? Sudden revelations don't always go over so well.

[TVCasualty]

Originally Posted by scoutmaster

agreed, but what to do about the guilt? I feel bad keeping secrets from her as I have been, lets say, not so truthful in the past.

Has she found out about these past "creative truths"? If so, uncovering a second (or third, or whatever) deception would certainly go over a lot worse than uncovering the first one. Feeling bad about a deception means you didn't live up to your own standards for yourself; if you didn't care, it wouldn't make you feel bad.

Seems to me you ought to decide if you'd rather grow and not tell (accepting deception as a necessity, and all that comes with it) or not grow and not worry about it (less stress, nothing for her to catch you doing, but no shrooms either).

I think guilt is just a form of indecision, not a real thing unto itself.

[Beastmaster]

I think if you've been having conversations with her about how psychedelics are bad and harmful things, and both of you have agreed that you will live clean lifestyles, only then should you consider that something is wrong with what you are doing. She is only your girlfriend, not your wife, and definitely not your priest!

If you've got tubs in your bedroom with sheets over them and when she tries to tidy up you freak out "Leave my stuff alone!" "its none of your beeswax!" then she's gonna start wondering. So being a little more pro about things and coverting it up a bit couldn't hurt.

But until she shows the willingness to actually commit her life to you and become your wife, I don't think she needs to know anything. Do you give her access to your email accounts, internet passwords, and bank statements also??

[spunforfun]

I have to agree with hippie!! Women can really lose common sense about things like "drugs". a foaf girlfriend found out about a little mj grow he had going on and she thought there was need to call her pastor, who in turn told a police officer. well needless to say he got about a year in the pen. she swears that she was just trying to get him help and she had not intended to get him busted..

[dial8]

Shhhhh.....no need in it. Dont speak about it.

[ReadStead]

Well this is my first ever post, but I think this topic is a really important one in our age.
OUr cultures veiw of drugs has been manipulated ever since we were born. Lets face it, we all grew up witht the Great Body Shop or whatever form of propaganda your elementary school was legally obligated to feed your head.
For that very reason no one can really judge anyone else's veiw of drug use . While we may see it as an enlighting invaluable experience, or just worthwhile recreation, others clearly see it as a moral and logical wrong.

All that shit aside, what i want to say is man, I've been there. And people like your girlfriend aren't just going to come around one day and be okay with the fact that you've kept this from them for so long. And you won't be able to hide it from her your whole life and if you tried it would drive you crazy.

You may not think of it as an injustice as bad as cheating or whatever, but becuase of her upbringing she very well might, which really means there's very little difference with respect to your relationship.

It's a tough fact to face, because for people like us, your girlfriends mindset doesn't make anysense. But it's one you need to respect. Relationships survive on respect.

Sorry for this being so long, but i think this issue comes up alot these days.
Alot of friends of mine have delt with it, as have I. Thankfully I never had to deal with any legal reprocussions, but I still regret my being so deceitful.

Please don't take this as some ethos-driven rant written by some heartbroken head. I'm over my shit these days.

Still, this is a problem that is beyond significant others. It trancends all parts of life these days. Drugs are taboo, and while they definately shouldn't be, your disrespecting someone else's beliefs isn't going to help the cause.

Think about what's most important.

Oh, and hey guys. This site is awesome.

[ShroomGuerilla]

Find a Female who is a Friend of Fungus.

[mydarling]

hey man. i don't really have any good advice... but i'm really sorry about the situation you're in.. i don't know what i'd do either. i feel very lucky to have a lover who shares my interest in drugs. i hope that if you do tell her, instead of freaking out on you, she does a little research on mushrooms and opens her mind. i think there is a chance she might be willing to explore/accept mushrooms if you explain them to her (how they're not addictive, etc) and if she's as great as you say she is. good luck.

[Hippie3]

my view is it's wrong to do it in a house if she lives there-
the piggies might not believe she didn't know and bust her.
in theory i suppose i can understand the position that love should be honest
but in the real world theory has to adapt-
she won't be totally honest about everything either-
accept that as a given.
she's human, not perfect.
she'll have her little secrets
and so will you.
this is just one more.
one last caveat-
children.
if you have children
i feel it'd be reckless to endanger
your ability to raise your kids,
which you cannot do in jail.
so weigh all the costs,
and if you do choose to
get in
then by all means
get out soon too.
a secret grow in a rented storage room
could be over, dried, ground up and capsulized
in about 4-5 weeks.
hit and run.

[BigStemz]

its different for every person. u have to listen to yourself, because when it comes down to it in the end, you and only you have to live with yourself. i have and always have made truth most important. having said that, not telling her is one thing, lieing to her if she asks u is a totally different story.

<<<< fact is, if you feel that strongly for her and are that guilty mayb you should give up growing the active shrrooms>>>

might i suggest edibles. mayb its something you and her could do together then. and who knows if she becomes interested more mayb she would even like to grow active ones with you.

for me over half the joy in growing is to share. share the experience, share knowledge, share time. if it keeps you from sharing, then i feel you are truely missing out on the real pleasure of boomers

[eyeslikedonuts]

I'm with the majority man. What she don't know won't hurt her. I don't think she'll feel guilty sending your ass to jail if she was inclined to do so. i wouldn't worry. She's got her secrets as well. take care and good luck. peace, e

[Toecutter]

Keeping secrets from a girlfriend is much different than
keeping them from a wife. My 2 cents would be to only
tell her when she is your wife. At that time, i think
she would deserve that. Until then, keep quiet.

[Phx]

IMO I think you shouldn't tell her even if its your wife unless she happened to bring up the idea that she wanted to try them. Even then you shouldn't say anything about growing anything just that you know someone who can get them for you then if she does them and likes it the you could bring up the idea that you both could grow them pretty easy that you saw online how to do it a few years ago. And then you both for the"first time" could begin to cultivate . Other wise you could take a big chance of going to the pin. So until then just get over your feeling bad and do what ever makes you happy. My FOAF has been with a girl for 4 yrs and they are engaged to be married in 2 yrs and there is a lot she doesn't know because she has been sheltered all her life. So who is he to burst her bubble or go to jail because of her ignorance. Well bud have fun deciding.

[Myc]

Lots of great points made here
If your girlfriend knows about illegal activities
That gives her some unhealthy leverage over you
IME, girlfriends come and go with the frequency of work boots
Maybe a poor analogy but it's true
If you're incarcerated, no skin off of her neck
And she's on to the next relationship while you have a police record as a lasting momento

If your've been asked a direct question
and choose to lie to cover your actions
there is cause for guilt
Lies are no foundation for a relationship

I always advocate the "let's grow gourmet" alternative
Face it, mycology is just plain fascinating

Feel her out and explore from there
If Psilocybes aren't a big deal,
then cease to cultivate for awhile
broach the subject at a later time
and see where things go from there

If Psilocybes are important enough to you
and the current girl of the year is opposed to the idea
You might need to re-evaluate the relationship and look elsewhere
Or cease cultivation of Ps and live happily ever after.

[cleanjar]

I'm going to have to agree whole heartily with everything hip has typed here.
For realz...
For real.
Especially with a false hearted lover.