Picking up women

[phalanx]

For the last few months I have been going out regularly to nightclubs looking for women. I have been out of the scene for a long time for various reasons and I've been having very little luck at all.

Women have often said I am quite goodlooking and I think I dress well, so I don't think there are any problems there. Maybe when chatting I sound boring or desparate. Sometimes girls start talking to me but the conversation always seems to fizzle out.

I look a lot younger than my real age so when I mention it the girl automatically thinks I am a liar and loses interest. Also, I don't know whether to be clean shaven or have some stubble (which I prefer).

I wish girls weren't so rude when expressing disinterest. A while back I got an outstretched palm in the face!!! Usually i only get as far as saying "hello" and they turn away and stick their nose in the air, or pull a face of disgust like they are licking piss off a nettle. If they all said "Sorry, I'm not interested" it wouldn't be half as bad.

Maybe i am going to the wrong places on the wrong nights. Maybe i need to lighten up and not take it all so seriously. I am getting very pissed off and down about the whole scene. At least I'm building up experience I suppose.

[cutty]

Keep your head up bro, no worries.

My best advice is...Dont LOOK for girls,let a conversation happen naturally,IME when you Look for girls,they sense it (like a dog senses someone who's scared of dogs).Maybe thats why you think they're getting the impression you could be desperate.

Ever try a blind date? Get a buddy to set ya up,with one of his womans friends.
Speed dating?
Internet sites for dating...theres free ones.

[destroy_erase_improve]

dont try so hard
going to a club with high expectations is a good recipe to be let down. besides, a club girl isnt really gf material ime anyway. as far as looks go, go with what you like, a person should want to be with you for you. if you like a lil rugged look, go for it. there are plenty of women who like the lumberjack look on a guy. its true.

put out a personal ad if you really feel like your getting nowhere, noone replies to a personal unless they are interested. and dont just look for women at a social gathering. the girl of your dreams could be walking right by you, right down the street. just say hi, women are people too. you dont need some stupid pickup line. talk to her like you are an old friend. get to know her. a hollow conversation filled with stupid pickup lines, and empty compliments will get you nowhere.(well maybe with some ditz).

the point is, dont try hard, let it flow, be yourself and be sincere.
the rest will fall into place

[Hippie3]

try hitting a few dives where the women aren't so picky.
a few joints, a qtr g of crank and enough money for a few drinks
and you're guaranteed to score.

[phalanx]

LOL Hippie3, your advice is always so solid and practical. :-)

Thanks for the advice guys. I am probably trying too hard, and although I don't use corny chat-up lines, my conversation follows the usual chat-up formula instead of being more spontaneous and entertaining.

A friend who has great success with women said you should talk to women as if you aren't trying to chat them up. I need to sound more natural. Another friend who doesn't normally have much success says he always scores when he takes E. It seems to be because it puts you in good humour and conversation flows naturally and easily.

I had much more success in my early years and maybe it was because I wasn't trying so much and was more relaxed. Could have been due to the place I went to also which was down and dirty. E helped but I don't want to get back into that stuff. I've been thinking of going out on a low dose of ayahuasca to see what happens.

The thing which annoys me the most is fake come-ons. This is where a girl is making eyes at me or stands in my face so i will talk to her. After a few minutes of chatting, or before i make a move, they wander back to their boyfriends. The rudest are very goodlooking women. They are so arrogant and love themselves, and parade and pose around the place like they are film stars. I don't bother talking to those bitches anymore.

It is such a thorny area to be in. Many times I have spotted boyfriends at the last moment before going in for the kill. Could have been nasty.

[destroy_erase_improve]

heres something to say to yourself when you see a girl that you think is out of your league. "someones gonna date her, why not me". it works. women are just people, and youd be surprised how many good looking women are dying for a date. only because they dont get hit on enough because most guys think ironically, that they are out of their league. i have dated good looking women, and i was amazed at how many had LOW self esteem. i mean LOW!.

go out, talk to the women you are attracted too. the worst that happens is you get shot down. but im willing to bet that out of 20 women at least 1-2 will turn out good for you. and 1-2 is better than none at all imho.

good luck man

[whitedeath]

You're right....you probably are trying a bit too hard. Take it from a woman, your best bet is to change your approach....You do have the right idea, but there are a few problems:

a) Women don't go to nightclubs to find a serious boyfriend. I'm generalizing; I'm sure there are exceptions. But most of them are just looking for a good time in that particular setting.

b) You need to be more confident of who you are. Don't second-guess yourself so much. "Maybe when chatting I sound boring or desparate..." Don't worry about how you sound; if you have something to say, just go with it in the way that feels most natural to you. Eventually you'll find someone you can chat with easily, at least after a while. Above all, be yourself. And definitely, if you like having stubble, by all means, have stubble. If a woman is truly interested in you, she's not going to care that much either way. And if she really does, she'll find a way to bring it up. I think you may be trying a little too hard to please others....Be happy with yourself first, and find someone who will accept you for who you are. Every woman has different a taste in men anyway, so you're never going to please us all. Good luck trying.

c) That girl who put her hand in your face was either just really immature or really drunk or something. I wouldn't worry about her too much. A lot of people are just assholes, whichever gender they happen to be. Try not to let it get to you so much. And be realistic. "Sorry, I'm not interested" is not going to be an answer you're satisfied with. I know a lot of men think they would be happier with a direct answer such as that, but trust me, they wouldn't.

d) Let the women do some of the chasing! Yes, we definitely like to be pursued. But not all the time. Women in general like men who are confident and sure of themselves, sometimes even leaning a bit toward the arrogant side. If a man is interested in himself, others will naturally be interested also.

e) Don't interpret everything as a 'fake come-on or a rejection, because nine times out of ten, it isn't. A lot of times friendly chatting is misinterpreted by men as flirting. Just because we talk to you doesn't mean we're interested. We may just think that you're a cool person to talk to. You shouldn't be offended. We make good friends too =P

f) Good-looking women aren't always bitches. Keep an open-mind. Most people consider me to be a 'good-looking woman', and definitely not a bitch. And definitely when you find a girlfriend, never tell her that you think good looking women are bitches, ever. She's going to think you see her as either ugly or a bitch.

g) A lot of guys are flattered by other men finding their girls attractive...Don't worry so much about it; just don't hit on someone you actually know is taken. Also, every guy we're with isn't necessarily a boyfriend.

h) Anyone on E can find someone to date, or at least screw. There are always people who will sleep with you, especially if they happen to be on it too. Personally, I LOVE E, but I'll only do it around my boyfriend or some close friends who I know for sure I won't get sexually involved with. If you need a drug to find a girlfriend, you're definitely doing something wrong. When the drug wears off, life is going to get extremely awkward. Drugs can be good conversation starters and a way to lighten up a little bit, definitely, but they shouldn't be the foundation of a relationship.

Anyway, hopefully this helped a bit...I had some time on my hands =)

[taoistshredder]

First off, fuck the scene.
While Hippie makes a good point about nailing skanks,
is that really what you want?
Go to church to find a girl; most likely she'll be really horny.
I can't tell you how many girls I've gotten with that I've met
in a church or a Barnes and Noble.
B&N...few utilize this resource...I pass it on to you...
find some girls that aren't whack bitches that stiff-arm you.

EDIT: Yeah, good-looking women are the biggest quandry ever;
I think the key is to get a hottie that's a hot but didn't get hot
until at least halfway through college.
And the same goes for guys.
In high school I somehow managed to get plenty of girls but had
the worst acne you can imagine.
And it's interesting how looking bad and talking to gorgeous
women actually lets you know a lot about yourself,
and a lot about them.
And it gives a good perspective later in life, when you get hit on
by someone you don't like,
you know how it feels to get treated like shit.
I think everyone should be born hideous and evolve from there,
but make it based on good deeds instead of
wealth or popularity or whatever it is that makes average little girls
grow up to be models.
Final note: beware of any girl whose father only refers to her
by pet names, i.e. princess, angel, etc.
But this is farther down the road, I think.

I personally don't go to clubs...its just not my thing. Go to a place that you like being at. If your around like-minded people with similar interests things work out better. They're right about the E thing...I ate some rolls on NYE and found a couple different girls, only to get booted by their girlfriends(bitches... but ya can't talk to em so much when your eyes roll in the back of your head and eyelids flutter. When I get in a rut I go and find a girl and sleep with her...that always bounces me back...kinda like a confidence booster, ya sleep with a tramp and then your like...I can find better than that... Best of luck

[cutty]

Go to church to find a girl; most likely she'll be really horny.
I can't tell you how many girls I've gotten with that I've met
in a church

I agree,Im one of those guys who plays and looks like an innocent guy to the general public,I do attend church once in awhile and trust me you find the finest woman in church.Church woman are innocent also,they're just waitin for a nice guy to come along and snatch em up (thats where I got my woman!!!).Once ya find a church girl ya teach em our dirty bedroom thumpin' they love it man.

[Hippie3]

so are you looking for a wife or a get-a-little-buddy ?
and i'd be leary of church girls,
i've seen many that would go to the altar
with a secret plan to re-make their husband
into a new man.
so be certain that she's only at church
for the same reason you are.

[taoistshredder]

Always heard that's the irony of marriage:
A women marries a man hoping she can change him, but he doesn't.
A man marries a women hoping she'll never change, but she does.
I know: appauling, Chauvanistic dribble...
{snicker snicker}

[whitedeath]

Originally Posted by Hippie3

so be certain that she's only at church
for the same reason you are.

Haha...well said

[phalanx]

Whitedeath,
I've had such a bad time i was beginning to tar all women with the same brush. Thanks for straightening out my attitude.

I don't want to turn into a bastard but i don't want to be a sap either who gets walked on or made a fool of. Friends tell me i should start off having fun with skanks to build up my confidence and then work my way up into more serious relationships. I'll think about finding women in other places besides nightclubs, and I'll give some drug-fuelled pickups a try but i can see the downside. It is hard to take in all this advice at once :-)

[sinthetic]

Originally Posted by taoistshredder

A women marries a man hoping she can change him, but he doesn't.
A man marries a women hoping she'll never change, but she does.
{snicker snicker}

true, true

[Lefty]

*LEFTY continues hiding in his bush, puts periscope back down* AHHHhhhhh, safe for now, natural phycho magnetism deactivated...for now.

[whitedeath]

haha...no problem phalanx....Good luck, and let me know how it goes

And um....right lefty....

[Hippie3]

I'll think about finding women in other places besides nightclubs, and I'll give some drug-fuelled pickups a try

lol
back to my suggestion, eh ?
it'll get ya laid, provide many a fun night
and who knows ?
maybe even find a soul mate.
but here's my take
after 30 some years of chasing skirts-

it's far easier
to get in
than it will be
to get out.

[skullfarmer]

a few joints, a qtr g of crank and enough money for a few drinks
and you're guaranteed to score.[/quote]

damn, we must have the same taste in women.
i spent many a night standing in clubs looking for the girl of my dreams and ended up getting engaged to a girl in my banks drive thru window.i had my eye on this girl for years and one day i worked up the balls to ask her out while making a deposit.she said yeah and the rest is history.
she told me later that she would joke with the other girls in the window and say "i'm gonna marry that guy".
i firmly believe you control your destiny, but i think fate was at work here.


dont worry ,you'll find your girl one day.

[Hippie3]

Take it from a woman

a woman called 'whitedeath' ?
intriguing....

[Hippie3]

you'll find your girl one day.

hopefully not in my backseat....

[whitedeath]

Originally Posted by Hippie3

a woman called 'whitedeath' ?
intriguing....

Thanks Hippie.

The story behind the name is a bit complicated.

[Hippie3]

we're all ears....

[electro]

Originally Posted by Hippie3

it's far easier
to get in
than it will be
to get out.

I am going to have to 2nd that !
So, So very true

[Lefty]

Sorry for any confusion caused by my last post, it was a joke but nice to meet you Ms. Death. I cannot give advice on the subject at this time. I can speak on how to meet people but...a brief search of posts would explain why not to ask me and why it's not an area I'm concentrating on right now. Best of luck Phalanx.

[phalanx]

Originally Posted by Hippie3

it's far easier
to get in
than it will be
to get out.

Yikes, I think I know what you mean. Several years ago I met a cool girl and fell in love with her. She lost interest in me and split, and I was left devastated. It took me a few years to recover and was one of the worst times of my life. The thought of it ever happening again genuinely terrifies me.

I read somewhere that guys fall in love quicker than girls, and girls fall out of love quicker than guys. I'm almost scared of meeting a potential soulmate in case the same shit happens again. If love and guilt didn't exist, relationships would be a whole lot simpler. Just screw around and that would be it.

You can turn off lust by tossing off if you don't have a woman, but you can't turn off love so easily when your woman is gone. It smoulders away like a damn barbecue in your chest. I'm only annoying myself now.

In my own case, I can find myself getting very affectionate disturbingly quickly when I meet a certain type of girl. I have to be very careful about that. I'd rather forsake sex with many beautiful women than fall into the unrequited love trap again.

Drug-dazed skank heaven feels a lot more attractive at the moment. I need more confidence before getting into anything serious. A re-run would kill me off altogether.

Thanks again for all the help and support. It has really cheered me up

[Lefty]

Why is divorce soo expensive?









Because it's worth it.

[Bromius]

I used to get really hung up on one girl. That kind of focus put way too much pressure on even simple conversations. The last time I was single I switched up my tactics and started persuing as many people as possible. This works well for two reasons: 1.) Takes the focus off any one person. If you don't care that much loosening up gets a lot easier. You'll be more spontaneous and funny. If you can make her laugh you're half way there. 2.) If you get rejected, you're morale stays higher. Getting ignored or blown off when you have a few other ladies interested makes you wonder what is wrong with the girl that wasn't interested, not with you. Also, depression robs your confidence. Not good no matter what you're shooting for.

[phalanx]

I dig what you're saying, Bromius.

I don't like referring to certain women as being sluts or skanks just because they sleep around, although I am always using those words. If a woman wants to have casual fun with many guys then that is ok with me. I have slept with girls who had the reputation of being sluts. They were nice people but all were emotionally disturbed in some way, and all wanted more than just a screw, unlike what I had been informed. I felt sorry for them. I don't want to be taking advantage of lost souls. Casual sex with a mentally balanced girl is fine.

If I get into a relationship that looks like it could rapidly get serious (for me at least) , I plan to bail out in the early stages if i see any shaky foundations, before my emotions get too strong to turn back. It is best for me and best for the girl. I hate hurting girls feelings because the are so sensitive, even when they say they aren't hurt i can see they are.

[littlefaucher]

First of all, you're all going to hell :-D Going to church to pick up "innocent" women and virgins.... smart thinkin :-)

I love the idea of smoking some joints and some crank in the hunt for women

don't go out on a mission to get a girl, that's how you'll get into a world of shit. Live life normally and just talk to women who look interesting...some may take interest in you, or you could find a woman who's worth the effort

[littlefaucher]

Originally Posted by phalanx

I read somewhere that guys fall in love quicker than girls, and girls fall out of love quicker than guys.

I had that figured that out by the time I was 10

[sandman]

You are an AFC. Lots of the responses where AFC responses as well.

AFC = Average Frustrated Chump. Now dont get pissed at me, its true. The things you are discussing (being fearful of rejection, falling in love with girl and she loses interest, not getting laid. not getting dates) are average. The majority of men fall into this category.

Its true. I know this because I am a recovered AFC.

First thing is first. You have got to get some confidence son. Nobody good wants to be with someone that has no self esteem or confidence in himself. Seems like you tend to get involved with girls with no self esteem and confidence as well (birds of a feather) thats why i think you have no self esteem, nothing personal. There are many ways to build confidence. Get a book or google it. This is numero uno. Be a little cocky even. Cocky/Funny is the best mindset in life. Not just women but life.

Next, stop trying to pick up women at bars man. That is such a lame, tired and un fruitful method. The only way to pick up women at bars is if you have lots of social proof in said bar. IE that bartenders/doormen whatever call you by your name, buy you drinks, or somehow there is evidence that you are in the "top 10%" of the bars social ladder. The bars can be good if you have lots of social proof, but trust me you dont. Yet! Hit up cofee shops, barnes and noble (or college bookstores), grocerie stores, libraries, and especialy parks. You need a place that you can walk up and actually talk to girls, and they can hear what you are saying.

If women are actually being bitchy to you, and making fun of you, sticking palms out, talk to the hand type stuff then you are rREALLY fucking up on your approach. I mean really. There is no reason why you cant go up and talk to someone you dont know without them being offended. Something is off. We can figure it out.

You said that you have been told you are "good looking" Well then you are already 1 step ahead. If you can get your skills in tune, and pair that with good looks that you have then no problems. With the right methods and mind sets even normal to unattractive men can get the ABSOLUTE most beautiful, top 1% super hot california 10 women. Im talking women that would make you cum just by them talking dirty to you. Trust me on this, i have seen the light. If you could see my current women and the women that I have been with since seeing the light you would have a stroke.

If you are interested, and the things i have said sound about right to you, PM me. I will set you on the path to enlightenment. No bullshit man, it can change your life.