| | | | | ||
| | ||||
| | | | |||
| | | ||||
| | |||||
| | | ||||
| | | | | | |
| [Home] | [The Vaults] | [Glossary] | [Donate] | [Sponsors] | [Affiliates] |
| [Calendar] | Mark Forums Read | [VIP Chat] | [Register] | [Activate] | [Resend Email] |
| LifeStyles Arts & Crafts & Hobbies: Living Healthy & Happy |
| Welcome to the Mycotopia Web Forums |
| Membership Status -> Guest Welcome to the Mycotopia Web Forums. You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us. |
| ||||||
 |
| | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
09-08-07, 14:01
| #1 (permalink) |
| chronic puppy diddler  Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 705
|  HOW MR. P. BROKE HIS LEG...enjoy so it began as a night of strong haircuts and mighty drink. a steller new mohawk and pigseye beer; i could tell this evening was going to be something special indeed. yelling something like: "fuck it's good to see you again dan"; mo cracks open another brew and smiles. he looks like mo from the three stooges with downs due to his his new haircut, but this isn't why we call him that. the plan is quite a simple one; (as it always is) get drunk, half ass try to get laid. nothing more. certainly; nothing less. "let's go to rochelle and rachells'" mo says with that same stupid grin:" the chad" is going to try and bang her. to this i say: "right on you fucking fat bastard, we need more beer". and so we debark on that timeless journey we men know so well: beer, with just a hint of vagina. so we arrive and help these bitches unload some godawful driftwood entertainment center from walmart, and commence to drinking. things are going fairly well until rochelles' special ed mix of a pug, and a baby midget dog decides to sneak under my chair for a piss. noone see's the little bastard do it; so when rochelle see's a puddle directly underneath the ass of my chair; i am of course blamed for spilling my beer. i quickly begin to expalin the sheer impossibility of the angles that would need to be involved in said beer spill, but upon closer inspection with her whore/dike nose: she calls me a liar. at this point mo and i had enough of these silly bitches. decideing to retire to the other room for tunes and a bit of quiet; we make our way to the kitchen to scope out the freezer for straggler booze. a wave of sheer unadulterated exitement washes over me as we spot a full bottle of sky vodka. now; vodka is nowhere even close to daddy's favorite drink, but when down to 3.2 budlight, we felt as if we had struck fucking gold. normally i would just snatch up the bottle and commence to drinking but one of us was trying to fuck one of these hoes. "hey rochelle can mo and i please have some of your wonderful looking vodka" i say in my nicest school boy voice. "no". "come on now. pretty please." "no." "you're a whore rochelle." "thank you sweetheart." mo and i move to the other room. we sit on the bed and i look very seriously at him and ask: "so... how are you planning on getting that vodka sport?" he just laughs and leaves the room. soon after he returns with the vodka to which i say: "well now thats all fine and good mo, but what about the chaser." he sighs and leaves; returning after a few minutes with some kind of hainous grapefruit cocktail. i just scowl at him and snatch it away. after drinking two thirds of the bottle it was 4:45 a.m. and time for a swim. we were trashed. we get down to the pool area and realize our fears were real. the gate is locked up tighter then a five year old boys butthole in a healthy home. oh well; time to go over. mo instantly looks as if he just dropped two healthies in his trow: "dude, i don't think they want us to swim here and i've got a warrant." to which i say: "you're fucking warrant is in a town two hours away. why do constantly have to be a fag." he whimpers a little more, but i'm already looking for a place to climb over. i finally decide on the gate. it seems to have the strongest foothold. i mount it and jump... now; i was told later by mo that it began in a rather graceful way. i jumped up high to clear the fence and then everything just went to shit. he said i tried to do some kind of jackie chan move. my body went forward and, in mid air, i tried to twist my body around for a proper landing. but alas i was hammered, and landed with all my weight on my right leg. the bone instantly snapped and exploded through the skin. mo had no idea. i just laid there until he asked me if i was okay. i didn't answer right away. it seemed to me like a question that really needed some thought. i tried lifting my leg. when i saw that only a third of my leg came off the ground i spoke: "no, don't think so there mo. call a fucking abulance." he attempted to ask me if i was sure; which i anticipated: "shut the fuck up mo and call a goddamn ambulance." so he finally realizes the seriousness of the situation and goes back to the apartment for what i assume is a phone. i pull up my pant leg and see a a good part of my tibula staring me in the face in a rather evil way. i quickly avert my eyes. i begin telling myself that morphine is coming; (but how long) and begin assesing the situation. mo has gone to get help; way on the other side of the apartment complex. i don't figure he'll call the ambulance right away. i know mo and directions. i figure he'll have everyone come outside and view me in my comprimised state before 911 is ever dialed. then of course there is the fact that i am on the other side of a locked gate. i hear stories of the jaws of life, and think that maybe they'll just slice through the chains like butter. i know that the police will be called because well...i'm fucking tresspassing it's fifty five degrees outside and i've got nothing but bare feet and a broken leg. it gets cold fast. i've heard of this crazy thing called shock when injuries of this magnitude occur. the body throws itself into sensory overload and blessedly shuts down for a bit. i keep wondering if this is going to happen to me but no; my minds far to analytical for such a blessing. i decide to simply measure the pain and label it. it works in nancy drew novels. the measurement is to high a number and the label is shity. my body begins slowly shaking from the cold as i watch mo round the corner with the long expected possie. "the chad" who i guess is a nurse asks me if i'm sure i broke it: "yeah pretty fucking sure. mo; i told you to call a goddamn abulance. to which his dumb ass responds: "yeah well chads a nurse i figured he could help." "yeah he can help by calling a fucking ambulance." chad pauses for a minute: "jesus your foots turning purple." he asks me if i'm sure i want an ambulance called because i am tresspassing and i'll most likely go to jail. he says he thinks he can get the chains off, fashion a splint and then he and mo could toss me onto a lawn chair, lift me into his van and drop me off at the hospital; no cops involved. i of course shout obscenities at him and tell him none of the dumb motherfuckers are coming anywhere close to my leg. but he doesn't listen. he isn't very afraid of a guy on the other side of a fence with a shattered leg and he isn't going down for my dumbass. so they go and find some tools to get the gate open which takes a good fifteen minutes to round up; all the while telling me that i'll thank him for this someday. meanwhile; my body is shaking violently from the cold and with each second that passes the pain gets worse and i lose more blood. i finally learn the true meaning of helplessness. the tools arrive and they procede to try cutting through the first of six or so chains with god knows what. they finally give up after twenty or so minutes and decide thats it's probably a good idea to call an ambulance. they call and ten minute later the medics show up. they ask me if i belong to this apartment complex. when they find out i don't; they call the police. another ten minutes or so pass before johnny law shows up with the jaws. they cut the chains and the medics enter my world of pain. the fat one smiles and shows me some medievil torture device straight out of some saw movie rip off: "i'm not going to be your best friend when we strap this on you son." the moment i had been dreading since my first look at the leg arrives front and center: the splint. i had been biting down on the towel i brought over the fence with me for the last half hour or so. i shove more of it into my mouth and bite down hard. he asks me if i'm ready and i just nod and look away. the pain was brought. he straightened the leg. the pain and my screams grew to unholy levels. the only way it could be described: like lighting your leg on fire and then having someone take a sledgehammer to your shin, then quickly drive carpenter size nails into each one of your toes. i just kept begging the powers that somewhere be to let me fucking passout. once i began screaming i didn't stop for three hours. they couldn't administer any pain medication until they got to the hospital because they didn't know what medications i was allergic to. they didn't opperate for another twelve hours, so i laid there with a mangled leg and nowhere even close to enough morphine. after the surgery the doctor told me that i may never walk the same again. this would depress an average man but then again doesn't every pimp walk with a limp BEEATCH.... 
__________________ "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Dr. H.S.T. |
|  |
|
09-08-07, 17:17
| #2 (permalink) |
| Mycotopiate  Join Date: Jul 1972
Posts: 1,811
| that timeless journey we men know so well: beer, with just a hint of vagina.. but upon closer inspection with her whore/dike nose we make our way to the kitchen to scope out the freezer for straggler booze. a wave of sheer unadulterated exitement washes over me as we spot a full bottle of sky vodka. but when down to 3.2 budlight, we felt as if we had struck fucking gold dude, i don't think they want us to SWIM here and i've got a warrant .... Dude that was a good story.. |
|
| |
|
09-08-07, 17:52
| #3 (permalink) |
| Learning Via Osmosis  Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 91
| you made my leg hurt... damn man... so... hows your leg?
__________________ PUSH THE LITTLE DAISEYS AND MAKE EM' COME UP! http://forums.mycotopia.net/grassroo...-dwc-drip.html |
|
| |
|
09-08-07, 18:14
| #4 (permalink) | |
| chronic puppy diddler Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 705
| Quote:
 ...i'll post pics soon
__________________ "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Dr. H.S.T. | |
|
| |
|
09-08-07, 19:09
| #5 (permalink) |
| Learning Via Osmosis Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 91
| again? what the hell... is there a cool story with that one too? you sound like you have some bad luck. that or some poor desision making skills, by the way.. you said it was 50 degrees outside why the hell were you trying to swim?
__________________ PUSH THE LITTLE DAISEYS AND MAKE EM' COME UP! http://forums.mycotopia.net/grassroo...-dwc-drip.html |
|
| |
|
09-09-07, 08:21
| #10 (permalink) | |
| chronic puppy diddler Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 705
| Quote:
why yes he did...
__________________ "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Dr. H.S.T. | |
|
| |
|
09-09-07, 10:51
| #12 (permalink) |
| Admin  Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 36,133
| great tale of adventure and misadventure.  hope you walk for many more years, even if it be with a limp. i too limp, have for some 16 years. still beats a wheelchair or even a cane. but my motto is if you haven't broken something yet then you aren't playing hard enough.
__________________ GROW SUPPLIES: www.Mycrotopia.com Namaste------------Simply The Best------------ Temet Nosce  |
|
| |
|
09-09-07, 11:13
| #13 (permalink) |
| Prone to ranting...  Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,243
| That was a damn good story, man. You got some skills. And yeah, limping beats the hell out of a chair.
__________________ Banzai Institute for Higher Education (a collection of growing Teks & threads) |
|
| |
|
09-09-07, 13:31
| #15 (permalink) | |
| chronic puppy diddler Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 705
| that blows Quote:
agreed...and sorry to hear that hip...but as the story goes..."doesn't every pimp walk with a limp?"
__________________ "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Dr. H.S.T. | |
|
| |
|
09-11-07, 00:02
| #17 (permalink) | |
| chronic puppy diddler Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 705
| clarification Quote:
"the chad" is not da bunz...in case u were wondering 
__________________ "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Dr. H.S.T. | |
|
| |
|
09-14-07, 16:54
| #25 (permalink) | ||
| CHEERS  Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 876
| Mostly POOR DECISION MAKING SKILLS Quote:
__________________ Da Bunz Quote:
| ||
|
| |
|
09-15-07, 01:12
| #26 (permalink) | |
| chronic puppy diddler Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 705
| HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Quote:
go fuck yerself 
__________________ "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Dr. H.S.T. | |
|
| |
|
09-09-08, 18:29
| #28 (permalink) | |
| chronic puppy diddler Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 705
| right on Quote:
lol, thanks dude, but it's as good as it's gonna get. thanks for knocking the dust off this old post though lol...
__________________ "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Dr. H.S.T. | |
|
| |
|
09-10-08, 12:56
| #30 (permalink) | |
| chronic puppy diddler Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 705
| Quote:
__________________ "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Dr. H.S.T. | |
|
| |
|
09-10-08, 13:05
| #31 (permalink) |
| Khenmes  Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,871
| hahahaha, hell yeah, glad the dust got knocked off. Good read bro, I wanted it to keep going... so, i guess yer gon have to get out there and break summore shit bro, haha Glad its all kosher now tho. Hey, the more you break it, the stronger itll be!!! lol Nice writing skillz mate.
__________________ - Xa Ta Zac Xa Ta Amac - |
| |
