how do you deal with anger towards others?

[March13th]

I feel like I'm a pretty laid back guy. I usually don't have any issues dealing with my emotions. I'm never really depressed or angry, usually im extremely upbeat. I had a really vividly fucked up dream last night though that resurfaced all sorts of emotions I had 5 years ago.

The worst part about it is that I realize in my conscious mind that I become a smaller person every time I think about how much I hate this person, but my subconscious keeps creeping up on me throwing images in my head that break my heart.

I thought I had dealt with this shit but today I'm getting worked up over someone thats half way across the country, for no reason. Have any of you had an experience that haunts your subconscious? how do you deal with that shit? I seem to just bottle it away, but days like this have me fucked up.

M13

[Dank Side Of The Shroom]

im laid back as well. takes alot to piss me off. maybe its cuz im an addict of valium dunno lol. but if u dont see them regulary "or ever" dont let it stress you too bad.

[warriorsoul]

This is pretty normal i think

You cant help what you dream about.
Just try to let it go.. your awake now

Malice drinks half of its own poison.

[~Hippie3]

work up a sweat,
chopping wood is a nice way to vent.

[rocketman]

I assume the dream was pertaining to a matter in which you received no closure.

Some things take time to work out of us. Other things never do leave. Making peace with who you are and what happened is a good way to handle it. Do not avoid thinking about it by trying to bury it, because as you see it resurfaces.

Anger is something I have to work on as well. I can be rational and let some stuff go without extrapolating to find a fitting conclusion.

Other things, usually the ones that come at me fast and hard get the kneejerk reaction of me wanting to let someone share in some pain.

And then there is the stuff that hurts the ego. Human pride gets in the way of so much, and can cause great harm to others or ourselves.

So maybe once you find out what it is that really bothers you about this matter, you can be more honest with yourself about how to deal with it. Realizing it was not our fault or that it was beyond our control can be the first step. Maybe we were in control and let someone else get hurt, but we are all human, and with that comes imperfections. We do what we see is best at the time, and that isnt always the right thing to do, but its all we have.

[March13th]

Thanks guys. Rocket, I think you're dead on about wanting to share the pain. I think being able to deal with things, with closure or not, is probably one of the best skills to learn. Spontaneous hatred really is a bitch though.

[BillyGoat]

I pretty laid back as well...

What I do about anger is I either paint or draw it out. If you are not into arts, do what you love, strong emotions like that can lead to wonderful creations.


Meditate on it? get to a peaceful please where your mind is clear and think about it then.



Last but not least



Follow your heart for the truth and anwsers.

[chimp]

"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss"

Jonathan Larson

[WanaWanaWatch]

M 13,

Forgiveness is a tough pill to swallow and a hard art to learn. But it is the path to peace.

I had a girlfriend (highschool Sweetheart) for five years. Totally inseparable. Many times she sat there in tears saying how wonderful I was and how much she adored me... two weeks after one of these "I adore you sessions", she ditched me for some guy and cut all ties. When I finally caught up with her she would accuse me of all sorts of nonsense that she had saved up even from the first week of dating (A woman never forgets!! LOL)

To make a long story short I was hurt... bad... Bad bad bad bad bad!!! I just can not emphasize how bad that hurt.

It took a long time to let it all go and occasionally it still festers up and I have to re-forgive her. YOu know. But its the only way to be at peace about it.

Truth is everyone of us is dang imperfect. Some more reckless than others about our mistakes. Some of us have betraying friends or family, some have outright enemies. Really were all the same in that respect. What makes us different is how re respond.

Have you ever tried addressing the issue with the person? some times a civil conversation can be extremely liberating of harbored feelings.

W3

O and good advice Billy Goat!!! I remember making some dang good poems back then

[Glasshopper]

Anger itself is not necessarily a negative thing, only how you deal with it.
It sometimes can be one of the strongest motivators there is.
As long as you don't let it lead you to do something stupid and reactionary,
it can be a very powerful tool for change.

Plus I totally agree with hip. exertion (especially to the point of exhaustion) will help you get over an awful lot.

[~Hippie3]

[lionelfire]

Originally Posted by WanaWanaWatch

M 13,

Forgiveness is a tough pill to swallow and a hard art to learn. But it is the path to peace.

I had a girlfriend (highschool Sweetheart) for five years. Totally inseparable. Many times she sat there in tears saying how wonderful I was and how much she adored me... two weeks after one of these "I adore you sessions", she ditched me for some guy and cut all ties. When I finally caught up with her she would accuse me of all sorts of nonsense that she had saved up even from the first week of dating (A woman never forgets!! LOL)

To make a long story short I was hurt... bad... Bad bad bad bad bad!!! I just can not emphasize how bad that hurt.

It took a long time to let it all go and occasionally it still festers up and I have to re-forgive her. YOu know. But its the only way to be at peace about it.

Truth is everyone of us is dang imperfect. Some more reckless than others about our mistakes. Some of us have betraying friends or family, some have outright enemies. Really were all the same in that respect. What makes us different is how re respond.

Have you ever tried addressing the issue with the person? some times a civil conversation can be extremely liberating of harbored feelings.

W3

O and good advice Billy Goat!!! I remember making some dang good poems back then

I agree that forgiveness is the path to peace w3, but, in my humble opinion, your a bit off. You see, forgiveness of other people, for me, is easy. Your sweetheart story reminds me of something that happened to me. Wanna hear it, here it goes- My best friend of twenty-one years was manslaughtered when I was twenty-one. Never knew a day without him. Yeah, after he died I took a turn for the worse, years of things I regret now. But you know, it led me down a path, an unchartered course, that was unnavigatable if he were alive. My girlfriend of seven years once told me, "I"m sorry he died". Well I am too, but if he hadn't, I would have never met the love of my life. So, did he make my life worse or better? Neither, I live with the idea that forgiving yourself is the past to peace. thanks oibchip, next chance you get can you ask Mr. Larson how to do that.

[chimp]

I don't know Mr. Larson and I doubt I'll ever meet him either. I didn't know he is a writer of broadway musicals....lol. I wouldn't have known that except I did some research to find out who he is once you mentioned it. Musicals don't blow my skirt up but it is a good rhetorical quote nonetheless.

"Wanna hear about it?-here it goes" LOL that was funny skit..can't remember where I saw it.

[rocketman]

Originally Posted by lionelfire

I agree that forgiveness is the path to peace w3, but, in my humble opinion, your a bit off. You see, forgiveness of other people, for me, is easy. Your sweetheart story reminds me of something that happened to me. Wanna hear it, here it goes- My best friend of twenty-one years was manslaughtered when I was twenty-one. Never knew a day without him. Yeah, after he died I took a turn for the worse, years of things I regret now. But you know, it led me down a path, an unchartered course, that was unnavigatable if he were alive. My girlfriend of seven years once told me, "I"m sorry he died". Well I am too, but if he hadn't, I would have never met the love of my life. So, did he make my life worse or better? Neither, I live with the idea that forgiving yourself is the past to peace. thanks oibchip, next chance you get can you ask Mr. Larson how to do that.

Very well said

Its not so much forgiveness as it is finding a way to live with it comfortably. Forgiving could be a part of it, but its not really necessary.

[lionelfire]

sorry mr oibchip, I was questioning how Mr. larson would forget regret. Dont know anything about musicals??? Glad you did some research, but wasn't that you that quoted him?

[carl]

get a set of cheap drums and just go with the flow, works every time!

[vitae1234]

Go for a long run, if you're fit enough... a nice rural setting helps as well.

Being alone with my thoughts while having to put just enough focus on the physical side of things has always been my favorite way to clear my head.

[SantiagoDomingo]

A punching bag can work wonders. My friends and I have got a little system down, if someone is really pissed at the other for something, we all get a little bit drunk and then put the boxing gloves on. We don't try to hurt each other, it just turns out to be a fun little game. But it really helps to be able to punch the person that pissed you off. Everyone has to agree to be civil with it and all.

If you ever watch the show Weeds there is a part where one man sleeps with another mans wife, unintentionally. The man who slept with her ( a pretty big guy) told the other guy ( a lawyer in the suburbs) that he gets one free shot to the face. He took it and then ran away scared of a return punch but it never happened and they were cool afterward.

[lionelfire]

Originally Posted by oibchip

I don't know Mr. Larson and I doubt I'll ever meet him either. I didn't know he is a writer of broadway musicals....lol. I wouldn't have known that except I did some research to find out who he is once you mentioned it. Musicals don't blow my skirt up but it is a good rhetorical quote nonetheless.

"Wanna hear about it?-here it goes" LOL that was funny skit..can't remember where I saw it.

I think if i remember right it was a snl skit. Eddie murphy maybe?

[WanaWanaWatch]

Its hard to tell if I was dead on or a bit off because I wasnt quite sure what the issue really was... Kind of shootin in the dark really. But it looks like your having fun quoting him quoting me. Maybe there was a bit of self forgiveness necessary in my story.. looking back I think there must have been.

About chopin wood... it does work great. I love to go split the crap out of those giant rounds with my splitting mal.. it lets out a little bit of frustration every time. I definately feel for anything that gets between me and the choping block.

Anyway, Good luck working it all out whatever it is and thanks for letting me ad my two pennys worth.

Peace,
W3

Ahh and a punching bag does sound nice!

[Doctor D]

When I'm angry, I try to BE ANGRY. I mentally tell myself "Okay, I'm angry at SO-and-SO. I'm going to be AS ANGRY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE at this person." I try to concentrate on being angry. Guess what? it doesn't work! You can't force yourself to "be angry" (well, *I* can't at least).

The strangest thing happens... I end up realizing how stupid my anger is, and my anger melts away! I sometimes end up laughing at myself because my anger was such a stupid waste of energy.

The trick is to catch your anger as it arises and to be able to take an honest look at your anger from an unbiased perspective. This takes practice. The best tool I am aware of for helping you catch your self before you get carried away is daily seated meditation. There might be other methods, but this is one tried and true method I know of that does work. Seriously...

Physical exercise is also good for helping me to keep a peaceful state of mind, but doesn't do me much good once I manage to get worked up to a froth.

[lionelfire]

Originally Posted by WanaWanaWatch

Its hard to tell if I was dead on or a bit off because I wasnt quite sure what the issue really was... Kind of shootin in the dark really. But it looks like your having fun quoting him quoting me. Maybe there was a bit of self forgiveness necessary in my story.. looking back I think there must have been.
About chopin wood... it does work great. I love to go split the crap out of those giant rounds with my splitting mal.. it lets out a little bit of frustration every time. I definately feel for anything that gets between me and the choping block.
Anyway, Good luck working it all out whatever it is and thanks for letting me ad my two pennys worth.
Peace,
W3
Ahh and a punching bag does sound nice!

[WanaWanaWatch]

dont make me go chop wood on your ass lionfire and forgiveness... its totally out of the question now!!!

[Ras Asad]

I feel ya man, ..
Most of my life Ive let ignorant people anger the hell out of me, and even let my own ignorance agner the hell out of me.

Lately though, im learning that the more angry I get, the worse I feel.
And I also realize that everyone, no matter who they are... all deal with their own struggles, each one fighting their own battle.
Ive spent enough time pissed off at enough people to finally realize...
that Im hurting no one but myself when I get or stay angry at someone,
reality mirrors itself.. we get back what we put out.. we put out negative, pissed off feelings into the ethers.. we get back negative, crappy feelings.
Frequencies attract like frequencies, every time Ive let anger get to me.. I jst feel worse than before.. and the more I let the anger boil, the shittier and shittier I feel.
When ya think about it.. what good does the anger get us?
it certainly doesnt hurt the one we are angry at.
It surely does hinder ourselves tho.
its just not worth it bro, not at all.
Just think of all the bullshit the anger brings upon ya, and how unnecessary it is.
All its doing is hurting yourself, noone else. jus not worth it bro.
Blessings
Blessings

[BlacHaze]

When I get excited, I hit the pipe to mellow out and calm my ass down!