rough sex!

[Mr. Clean]

first things first. this is a serious post-
so, if you came in to crack jokes or talk nonsense, please exit now.
this question is posed mainly for couples in long term relationships.

imo, having sex can be a very emotionally vulnerable act to engage in. i'd say most couples who've been dating for a while trust each other enough to gradually try newer & more exciting things. well, i'm rather interested to know what you guys think about rough sex/name calling w your significant other. everybody likes to roleplay, that's a given-

but is it possible that after a certain extent, one can become so involved in these roles, that their act actually beings to leak into their everyday psychology? i.e. if someone enjoys being called derogatory names while in the act, what does that say about that person? am i evil for fulfilling that kink, and can it affect him/her negatively?

something to mull around the old noggin.
-Mr. Clean

[marmy]

well, at least you did not say ruff sex....

[teesus]

i don't think the term role play is a good one because imo it is not a new role someones adopt but the human childish, egoistic, agressive raw character which people start to suppress from early on to come along with other people. you don't learn new patterns of behavior, you simply let go the sozial self contoll to some degree. and i'd say yes once you relearned the plesure of being a caveman it can effect your every day behavior. mabe this is one reason the catholic church used to allow only missionar possition.

[roc]

Oh Caveman style... I am going to grunt and groan and make her shake!

Hell yes long term committed partners need to make some noise and say nasty things to each other.

I promise as well to try missionary style at least a couple of times a year just for fun.

[Beastmaster]

I think even S&M or animal costumes could be brought into this context, or any sort of kink/fetish. Whether you let it permeate the 'non-sexual' aspects of your life is ultimately up to you.

I think fetishes are alot like religious/spiritual practices. A little or a lot, some people really groove with it, others not so much. Sometimes I think it depends on what your parents did or its largely dependent on your social circumstances.

Maybe you like to pray to God before you eat or when the sun goes down. Maybe you can't eat / cum / other-neuro-bio-function unless you've been spanked first or put on your fuzzy pink bunny costume. Is there a difference? To the experiencer, I doubt it, regardless of context.

[i patch]

i never had my world rocked so hard as by an older woman

[weeeeeee]

Originally Posted by Beastmaster

I think even S&M or animal costumes could be brought into this context, or any sort of kink/fetish. Whether you let it permeate the 'non-sexual' aspects of your life is ultimately up to you.

I think fetishes are alot like religious/spiritual practices. A little or a lot, some people really groove with it, others not so much. Sometimes I think it depends on what your parents did or its largely dependent on your social circumstances.

Maybe you like to pray to God before you eat or when the sun goes down. Maybe you can't eat / cum / other-neuro-bio-function unless you've been spanked first or put on your fuzzy pink bunny costume. Is there a difference? To the experiencer, I doubt it, regardless of context.

couldnt agree more

oh and of course beastmaster had to bring up animal costumes

[i patch]

poor ol david carradine...

[sangraal]

Hello Mr. Clean!

Relationship and the dynamics of sexual practices are expected to evolve over time. I think that one of the biggest destroyer of relationships, and likely a probable cause for infidelity, is the fact that routine can (and eventually will) make it boring. It looses it's spark, in my opinion, when its the same act each and every time.

To amend and to investigate alternative forms of sexual encounter is not only healthy but the best damn thing one can do with one's partner, so long as that they are inclined to experiment in the same way. My wife and I have a D/s relationship, a component of the BDSM lifestyle, and "kink" is a part of both our sexual and our mundane lives. And it's progressive, as certainly that anyone within the lifestyle can admit, once you go kink, it can be a new experience each and every time- and well, it's hard to go back.

What you and your wife do is solely your business and your business alone. No other person has the right or privilege to judge or even question the means and methods in which you and her seek intimate union. If you want to spice things up, talk dirty, and with some people (including my wife) verbal debasement during the act is a helluva turn on for her. Grab an extra sheet and tie her down to the bed! - but, make sure that this is something that she wants to do.

Don't worry about what others think. Such acts can be made reserved for the bedroom alone -or- it can be extended further, in the case of D/s relationships. It's all a matter of what you and your loved one wants and sees as fitting in the progressive world of your intimacies.

[Mad_Hatter]

Originally Posted by Mr. Clean

first things first. this is a serious post-
so, if you came in to crack jokes or talk nonsense, please exit now.
this question is posed mainly for couples in long term relationships.

imo, having sex can be a very emotionally vulnerable act to engage in. i'd say most couples who've been dating for a while trust each other enough to gradually try newer & more exciting things. well, i'm rather interested to know what you guys think about rough sex/name calling w your significant other. everybody likes to roleplay, that's a given-

but is it possible that after a certain extent, one can become so involved in these roles, that their act actually beings to leak into their everyday psychology? i.e. if someone enjoys being called derogatory names while in the act, what does that say about that person? am i evil for fulfilling that kink, and can it affect him/her negatively?

something to mull around the old noggin.
-Mr. Clean

I have been into "kink" for half my life. Being 26, that pretty much means that I've been into it since Day One.

A lot of people might have issues with what you're doing, but if you don't, then it honestly doesn't matter. For me, simple "dirty talk" or "role playing" is light, but that's my own standard. I tend to have a dominant personality and for whatever reason, I also just attract/seek out submissive women; I'm really not sure which, to be honest. But every relationship I've ever been in has incorporated at least some amount of "kink," whether it's simply banging her from behind and making her tell me how much she likes it or going full-throttle with real OTK (over-the-knee) spankings, which can be very therapeutic for both sides, actually.

My biggest problem with the idea of "kinky sex" is how it's seen as deviant, when the reality is that any social situation we engage in tends to have a dominant/submissive twist to it; why should sex be any different? I've honestly done just about everything, but I have my favorites. Breath play being one of my favorites (RIP Dave). The reality is that the top "deviant" fantasy amongst women is to be "forcefully taken by a man," which is funny considering the second is "to forcefully take a man." That's right: bend over, big boy. But there's something hot about fucking someone to the point where they're moaning uncontrollably only to put your hand over their mouth, saying "Be quiet, you little slut." If you do it right, your thumb can act as a noseplug, but ultimately, kinky sex is dependent on the same thing as the rest of the relationship: communication.

You have to talk about this stuff, first and foremost. If you can't talk about it, even thinking about doing it is absurd. Check this out - go to www.collarme.com and set up a profile. The place sucks and the people tend to suck worse (this is why I meet normal girls and get them into it; the people that are already into it have a higher-than-average rate of being cuckoopants) so honestly, don't even worry about making the profile. The part that's interesting is the list of "Interests." Essentially you go through a few pages, complete with definitions, to give you an idea of what's out there. See what you're into and get an idea of what's out there and what you might be into. Or, conversely, what horrifies you. The more you get into it, the more you might find the things that turn your stomach at first are the things that turn you on the most in the end. It's all about being able to wrap your head around it all and be comfortable enough with your partner to discuss what interests you. It doesn't mean you have to do it. Maybe do the profile together and read through it together; if you love each other and care about what gets the other off, then it can be a very positive experience and potentially help your relationship a lot.

Originally Posted by i patch

poor ol david carradine...

There are far worse ways to go, though; let's face it.

[catdaddy]

I confess to being a life-long kinky person, and involved in the BDSM scene for some years now.

When I was a teen, I thought my intense desire to tie up, blindfold, amd spank my "victims" meant there was something "wrong" with me- didn't stop me, just caused some introspection...

Today, I can tell you for sure- spicing it up in WHATEVER way gets yer juices flowing is GOOD STUFF....

Now, about carrying the role-playing into daily life... NOTHING wrong with that- even with absolutely serious Master/slave relationships- IF it is what both desire.

That's why negotiations are important- not just as in before scening with someone, but in a long-lasting relationship.

And sometimes, things change, and it's time to renegotiate.

Sex is mostly in the mind anyway- jazzing it up intensifies it immensely....

Your mileage may vary.

[Mr. Clean]

wow, i'm overwhelmed w the abundance of helpful responses!
some very intriguing points brought up, especially these

Originally Posted by teesus

you don't learn new patterns of behavior, you simply let go the social self contol to some degree.

Originally Posted by Mad_Hatter

My biggest problem with the idea of "kinky sex" is how it's seen as deviant, when the reality is that any social situation we engage in tends to have a dominant/submissive twist to it

hatter, what you said right there really hit home w me. i was having this discussion w my brother earlier, and i brought up the same exact point. there is dominance & submission in almost every aspect of daily life, esp. in how we interact w others. why did you do what you did today? imo, ones personality can be equated to a mere collection of different dominant/submissive experiences. this is what makes some people more aggressive & outgoing then others, some too meek & anti-social to go out period. like beast said, it is largely dependent on your social circumstances.

[Kitten]

Originally Posted by catdaddy

I confess to being a life-long kinky person, and involved in the BDSM scene for some years now.

When I was a teen, I thought my intense desire to tie up, blindfold, amd spank my "victims" meant there was something "wrong" with me- didn't stop me, just caused some introspection...

Today, I can tell you for sure- spicing it up in WHATEVER way gets yer juices flowing is GOOD STUFF....

Now, about carrying the role-playing into daily life... NOTHING wrong with that- even with absolutely serious Master/slave relationships- IF it is what both desire.

That's why negotiations are important- not just as in before scening with someone, but in a long-lasting relationship.

And sometimes, things change, and it's time to renegotiate.

Sex is mostly in the mind anyway- jazzing it up intensifies it immensely....

Your mileage may vary.

He knows what he's talking about...trust me!
I say, try it ALL!!

[Beastmaster]

I punch my clown on occasion, that's about as rough as it gets for me.

[wildburr]

Originally Posted by Beastmaster

I punch my clown on occasion, that's about as rough as it gets for me.

Is that what their calling it now?


j/k Beast, Love ya man

[copelandiaKidd]

role playing adds the diversity needed to keep sex interesting. imo

[Kitten]

There are lots of online "tests" you can take with your spouse/mate to rate your kink or see where your interests lie. It can be a lot of fun to take them together and compare results...it can also be very stimulating. And if you have been uncomfortable talking about it it can also open doors that might have been closed before.

There are nearly limitless possibilities to what you can do to spice up your sex life, the more you try the better!!

[Lookin 2 Grow]

I used 2 be with a girl who loved it rough.

She was a crazy goth girl who liked hard sex. Being tied up, spanked & even choked..

I don't mind rough sex & a bit of slappage but never liked the choking business. She used to really get off on it though so I did it a couple of times but I didn't enjoy it.

We don't see each other anymore. I've found my better 1/2. Been with her for 3 years now & the sex couldn't be better. She likes to experiment, role play, screw outdoors. It's coming into summer now & I can't wait..

[DocOc]

I say if you like it and your partner's up for it, then, by all means go for it. Sex is an odd act in its self; whatever you do or even think about surely cannot make it even odder. God Bless Dan Savage!

[Doqaz]

Pay attention; there's always something kinky in your partner that surfaces during sex, even if you don't find it enjoyable atm, you'll do as soon as you start pleasuring your partner with that. And it works both ways, if you want your partner to notice your kinks, then gradually tune them up.

One warning though, if you're still an oversensitive couple, rough sex for make up sex might not be a good idea. But if you already have formed a friendly-rough relationship, then rough sex for make up sex is a good idea.

[SisterMagpie]

I say that if both partners agree to it then they should get as freaky as they want. Just don't let it get weird the next morning... lol

Originally Posted by Lookin 2 Grow

She likes to experiment, role play, screw outdoors. It's coming into summer now & I can't wait..

Doing it outside is the bomb. Nothing better than screwing on the back of a parked four wheeler in the middle of a wheat field. ha ha

[jay-pheno]

beast you beast ,,,

[theycallmejake]

i think it would need to be discussed before engaging in rough sex/name calling. my girl doesnt like that kind of thing. id be nice and single if i starting calling her dirty names in bed. ive been with many women that absolutely love that kind of thing. it turns me on like crazy too. i guess theres a time and a place for everything. its all about two peoples chemistry.

[roc]

I'll take it rough, soft, hard, anyway I can get it these days...

[Jawn]

Whatever floats your boat.

If he/she wants name calling, or you do, then do it. If rough sex is the ticket, then so be it. As long as it's bringing the two of you closer together and not farther apart, have a ball.

Life is too short to suppress primal urges.

[rocketman]

what exactly do you guys mean by role playing? Im the cabana boy and shes the rich old lady? I have never done any of that. I wish some women would tell me the best way to initiate and go about it.

the tying up of your partner or vise versa is fun, and adds a little drama and excitement to the fun. pretty cool when you dont know when where or how the next sensation will come from.

i bought a cool, yet very over priced set of liberator sex pillows complete with handcuff and ankle cuff straps. of course the blindfold is fun too. its all very adjustable so whomever is taking the ride is comfy. it also raises the ladies up to a perfect height for pretty much everything.

i knew a girl that wanted me to slap her (very hard on the face) during sex, and to me that was not something i would be comfortable doing. she was pretty wild with lots of rape fantasies. she wanted as much realism as possible i suppose. still i couldnt do it. other crazy thing was she wanted me to "spank" her female parts with a wooden hair brush. she said she loved it, but again i couldnt deliver.

she was very submissive, and thats cool if its every once in a while, but this was all day everyday. my buddies tell me i was a dumb ass for breaking up with a woman that always did what you wanted no matter how when or where. she was a very beautiful lady, but even being treated like a king in bed wasnt worth the lack of respect i began to feel for her.

I think maybe a little deeper under the surface i needed a woman who takes control sometimes.

sex and violence have a thin veil seperating them for many folks.

[bmad]

Originally Posted by Kitten

There are lots of online "tests" you can take with your spouse/mate to rate your kink or see where your interests lie. It can be a lot of fun to take them together and compare results...it can also be very stimulating. And if you have been uncomfortable talking about it it can also open doors that might have been closed before.

This is an excellent point, and I would recommend it to anyone with a strong relationship.

I can say I am lucky enough to be in open relationships since I was a teenager which gave me the opportunity to be with more women than most people have met, SO I get a chance to learn a lot of intimate thoughts and desires from these women. I have done everything from slapping women(fairly new and she had to beg me to do it) and choking to having sex in front of more than one hundred people during a gang bang.
Someone else said that it is not something learned but just us stripping away things that we have known and relearned them. Well of the many women I do know most of them have had some kind of traumatic sexual event in their lives. I am not saying that if you were raped or sexually abused you are going to be a slut but most of what I have seen is that they either embrace what has happened to them and at certain times actually take small parts from it and use it in their sex lives or it seems that the act of sex to them has lost the luster that it holds for many of us.
This is why i feel that alot of stuff for sexually devient people is "relearned" as someone stated.

as far as role playing goes. I dont really get into .. I dont like it. however I do like to hear what turns my partner on. I like for my partners to tell me what they find sexually stimulating.. or to tell me about some of their greatest sexual conquests. THis is a turn on because they felt sexy at the time of being on top of their game and reliving that moment with me really makes it that much better.

now as far as "role playing" seeping into everyday life.. Yeah it can happen I was just at a "lifestyle" party for halloween talking to some of the guests and we all have noticed that being able to comment on someones cleavage or package and having it taken as a compliment just isnt something that happens in real life. I have had to actually stop myself from telling some women in stores " wow you have great boobs". Of course this doesnt always have to be a bad thing either. I notice that since I have been very active in the swinging lifestyle and on sex sites that I am much more confident in my every day activities. for some reason when you are shot down less often than you are successful really takes the pain out of everyday mundane activities that may seem a bit of a shot to the ego. Plus I have learned to just ask for what I want and not beat around the bush or try to pursuade people into wanting what I want them to want.

SO yes I do believe that what you do in bed with your partner or partners can have an effect on your outside life.. which may explain why men with erectile dysfuntion also have a problem "ruling" their business and outside life.

as far as it hurting the relationship. yes it can but you have to ask ,was the house built on the a solid foundation with the right materials.

[ggod]

I have two words for you......... Safe Word

Have all the fun you two want, just remember to be safe. Create safe words and be respectful of them. It is easy to get "too" into the acts and create a environment where an accident can happen. If she wants to be choked... do it.......... if you want to be choked.. go for it........ These "kinky fetishes" might just bring you two together in a way that is closer than ever before.