overcoming the fear of breaking through

[Caduceus]

It's been several months since I had a psychedelic experience, the last one being in November. And it's been a little more than a year that I did DMT. At that time I tried it about 4 times. All of these experiences took me to the mandala, and one of which (assisted by my girlfriend) took me "through the fun tunnel" and made me completely lose awareness of my surroundings for more than 15 minutes. I had a sense of being surrounded by thousands of people and communicating with some of them. But I do not remember what any of them looked like. It was mostly an ecstatic kaleidoscope, which intensified as I loudly hummed, moaned and shouted at the top of my voice ("whooooo!!!!!").

A couple of days ago I loaded my pipe with synthetic DMT, which I had received as a gift a couple of months ago. Yesterday morning I made all the preparations in my bedroom, but then decided to wait for a better moment. I went to bed early last night (due to boredom tinged with depression) and woke up early. I went to the toilet, put on some trance music and laid in bed for about 20 minutes until the track Opal by Ishq started and I felt ready to go.

I bought a really cool ligther a few weeks ago (the other one died just before I was about to inhale in January). When you open the lid, a blue light starts shining, so you can see the pipe etc. Very useful if you want to do the DMT in a room that's completely dark.

While lying down on my side I kept the flame underneath the glass pipe for a while, until I saw white vapor accumulating in the pipe. While continuing to heat it, I took a slow inhalation (the taste was fine). But as soon as the patterns showed up, I vividly remembered the first time I had encountered them, and how lost and confused I felt. I chickened out, even though what I saw then wasn't inducing fear or confusion.

Although Terence McKenna describes these patterns as just a mandala you have to pierce through, that mandala is quite 'intimidating' in itself. It basically lacks meaning (you can interpret it any way you want), and there is no euphoria there either. There was not a hint of entities or anything like that. But the realization that I was very close to the confusion I had experienced last year discouraged me from taking another hit.

I noticed however that the visuals, though vivid, faded very quickly, probably within 4 or 5 minutes. Having just contemplated why I felt so intimidated by it, and realizing that this time I had not felt particularly lost or fearful at all, and that indeed the effects fade quickly without waves, I decided to do another hit, which again revealed the spinning colors. Unlike pretty patterns on your computer screen or those hanging on your wall, these swirls seem to be...well, intense!



There were no significant emotional or psychological obstacles, other than the fear of ending up in a space that is extremely bizar, and of which I cannot determine whether it's divine or completely delusional.

Fortunately extracted DMT (from Mimosa) is not very rare where I live. I can do dozens of these treshhold experiences and still have enough left for several breakthrough experiences. But I must somehow get over the fear that's keeping me from really diving in there. Maybe it's just a matter of trying it regularly, like every morning or every week. Or maybe it's a matter of finding a sitter who's convincing and reassuring enough to really go for it. But then, I'd really like to be able to do this by myself.

Have any of you gone through such a phase? Did you have similar feelings regarding that "treshhold" mandala?

Any recommendations?

[squizzlix]

from what i've gathered,
you just have to focus on getting 3-4 gooood hits,
then you'll break through without much of an option.
just focus on getting the hits.

[Caduceus]

Originally Posted by squizzlix

just focus on getting the hits.

Right now I feel much more eager to pierce through what I encountered this morning. Will focus on getting the hits.

[SmEugd]

A FOAF recommends smoking via the parsley method. He says loading the bowl with 3-4 times what you would normally smoke allows one to achieve a break thru in less than 3 full hits. It's far easier to just push yourself into it, than try to get over the fear ahead of time.
Those familiar with DMT will tell you there's no getting around the fear sometimes, it's best to just try to blast thru it with your dose. But YMMV...

"...dmt is only dangerous if you fear death by astonishment..." -Terence Mckenna

[PsychoDrogue]

i have experienced this anxiety while contemplating a spice trip. My first few times, i wanted to make sure i broke threw. I did, i went very far. A very emotional and life changing experience. I found myself sitting on my remaining stash for nearly a year before i was willing to try again. I hadn't had any bad encounters or anything, but there is definitely a lot of power in this substance and it deserves the respect your giving it.

When the time is right you will know when to go all the way again. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and you gotta find your pipe and hit it while your in the mood, other times you gotta psych yourself up for it. Once you get enough in your lungs though, none of it matters anymore.

[quetea]

it might be a good idea to use something like kava to kill your anxiety. I experience the same kind of nervousness before going on a voyage. Never with spice but it works well for caps.

[LotRev]

Originally Posted by PsychoDrogue

i have experienced this anxiety while contemplating a spice trip. My first few times, i wanted to make sure i broke threw. I did, i went very far. A very emotional and life changing experience. I found myself sitting on my remaining stash for nearly a year before i was willing to try again. I hadn't had any bad encounters or anything, but there is definitely a lot of power in this substance and it deserves the respect your giving it.
When the time is right you will know when to go all the way again. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and you gotta find your pipe and hit it while your in the mood, other times you gotta psych yourself up for it. Once you get enough in your lungs though, none of it matters anymore.

Nailed it. I came into DMT the exact same way. It blew me away a couple times,
and I couldn't bring myself to do it again for almost a year.

Caduceus: Let it come naturally, no need to force it. If you WANT to breakthrough,
then smoke and smoke until you absolutely cannot smoke
anymore. If you feel nervous about it, you don't HAVE to go there.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I can catch the wave of weirdness
long before I am launched off, and it always catches me off guard, no matter
how many times I do it...it's just that strange I suppose.

[Phlux-]

swim is always slightly nervous of spice - try start small - use far less - become comfy with non breakthru experiences then when u feel u are ready - go for gold.

[cuts]

Yes, swim has had the same neverousness also. He finds that if he does it with someone else with him that may take some of the edge away.

[LotRev]

Originally Posted by cuts

Yes, swim has had the same neverousness also. He finds that if he does it with someone else with him that may take some of the edge away.

That's true also, if you have a sitter it does seem easier to let yourself go.

[extrememetal43]

Let me ask you are you good at smoking it? Y i ask is i used to have a lot of trouble smoking it and when i would smoke i was never sure if i was gona get a good hit of it. So i was always unsure of where it would take me. after i got the dose and smokin method down it became much easier because i knew pretty much the level of experience i was gonna get. i mean if i pack a 25 mg dose in there thats what im gonna get.

Besides that that stuff is intense and im not gonna lie some zanny's or if you have a more natural route really help getting over that fear.

Believe me youl learn a big lesson in overcoming fear. Because when its done your gonna be like wtf was i afraid of that was fkn incredible.

O and skip the light doses. Go for a full dose. light doses can make you feel uneasy and weird and you still have the ability to think. the mind doesnt like to think on dmt so you have to clear your mind and not try to decipher whats goin on til its over. Your along for the ride.

[Caduceus]

Thanks everyone! I hadn't checked this thread for a couple of days, and was delighted to read your understanding and encouraging words!

Originally Posted by extrememetal43

Let me ask you are you good at smoking it?

Yes, with my method I did one very long, slow inhalation last year, and that was enough to make me completely unresponsive to my girlfriend for 10 minutes or more (who would heat the pipe for me between inhalations). I remember falling or flying very fast through sort of a kaleidoscopic tunnel, that was like tasty and delicious, and there were lots of 'people' witnessing it all. It was a very blissful experience during the peak, though I was 'quite shocked' when I returned to my senses.

O and skip the light doses. Go for a full dose. light doses can make you feel uneasy and weird and you still have the ability to think. the mind doesnt like to think on dmt so you have to clear your mind and not try to decipher whats goin on til its over.

Yes, I think that's one of the most important things I realized last week.

Again, thanks so much guys!