Nine Moons

[GlorySoup]

i hae enjoyed this thread so much! i must admit i had to let go and cry a little after reading some of the posts. sooo excited to see where your quests lead you, much lo\/e!

[manjotar]

'tis indeed a beautiful journey you've undertaken.
it always makes me smile to know that somewhere... somebody...
is in a psychedelic space

[shroom_seeker]

Originally Posted by Oblivion

Excellent report bro. Im with you on the appeal of short duration trips. Tis nice to expand the mind for a bit and then get back to the nuts and bolts of life.

Thank you O, i read so many great reports here its easy to do. From what i hear the next ride should be a fast one too.

Originally Posted by toadshroom

hey bud, I haven't been on in a while but the other night I looked up and saw the full moon and immediately thought of you! I've moved into a new apt (with no internet grrr...) But hopefully I can get that sorted out soon. Good vibes to you brother!

Thanks for thinking of me and the good vibes toad. I'm sending 'em back your way too bro, wishing you some great trips in and around your new pad.

Originally Posted by Calaquendi

Super awesome thread Seeker...just wonderful. I've enjoyed the hell out of reading this!
Ehem...by the way, I was looking at your calendar and it looks like DMT is next on thy list for the moon cycle...yeah...heehee!!! Can't wait!

Thank you Cala, it's a great compliment to hear that you've enjoyed reading through this thread. I'm inspired by so many of my fellow Topiates reports, i'm honored to share my small part with you all.
Spice is next eh? That should be.. well, i'm not sure!

Originally Posted by GlorySoup

i hae enjoyed this thread so much! i must admit i had to let go and cry a little after reading some of the posts. sooo excited to see where your quests lead you, much lo\/e!

Originally Posted by manjotar

'tis indeed a beautiful journey you've undertaken.
it always makes me smile to know that somewhere... somebody...
is in a psychedelic space

To think that my words may have inspired or touched another soul out there, well it's humbling. The encouragement and positive vibes you all are sending has made this journey one of the best of my life. Thank you. I do it for me, but also, i do it for you.
shroom_seeker

[shroom_seeker]

Last nite i had a dream. In that dream i was visited by a self-transforming machine elf named Terence. He told me he had a gift of mullein for me, that i should put it in my pipe and smoke it. 'Take three, four, five big inhalations, and let yourself go. You are a seeker and we have much to show you'. Tonight when the sun settles down and the crack opens up between worlds thats exactly what i intend to do.

[Om shanti]

Hope you have a great journey, Shroom Seeker. :-)

[shroom_seeker]

I just came out of it. A milliion beautiful pulsating colors. I will not go further tonight. I know i just made it to the entranceway. ...

[Ras Asad]

you're beautiful bro.

[Aislyn Wendell]

SS was describing what he saw to me, and then offered to let me try, so I did. Eh, still shivering with chills. Gonna have to take a hot bath with some tea. Anyway. So I took one huge rip, and I'm no smoker so I started coughing really hard and then I started seeing mountains and groups of people in fractal patterns dancing. SS told me to take another hit, so I did, fell back and saw the dancing mountains at sunset. It was beautiful and it made me smile. I don't know how I could have taken another pull, I wasn't conscious. Phew. Tea time.

[eastwood]

Nice report SS.Glad it went well for ya.The moon sure was bright here.I love that video too.I think Mckenna really hits the nail on the head with what he is talking about in the video.

[Coopdog]

Yep SHroom Seeker, I was having my own full mooon adventure last night. I spent some quality time last night for sure. Can't wait to read your trip report!

[shroom_seeker]

In preparation for my trip i did some cleaning around the house and showered up. I have this hilarious pair of dr. seuss tripping pants that accompany me almost every journey, this would be no exception. In my bedroom i lit a few tealights and made a music selection - lotus path by James Asher. With Miakoda packed with a healthy pinch of mullein and lighter ready i sat down at the edge of my bed and prayed. There was some fear for me going into this experience, and i asked for my body and soul to be protected. After a few minutes of breathing and silencing myself i picked up my bowl and began..

My first hit i must have barely sparked the bowl because i did not draw much smoke into myself. It was enough to introduce me to the plasticky smell i've read so much about, which with the mullein i did not find too unpleasant, more of a plastic and flower essence sort of taste. Anyways, not long after exhaling that first hit i took a second bigger one and brought it deep into myself. Now, now things started to happen. With eyes closed i could feel a rush come over me and saw a grey outline begin to swish and form against the black.

A third toke. It was like dialing in a radio for the stars. Swoooosh! I could feel something going on in the center of my brain. Colors exploded into a brilliant pattern in my vision. I remember thinking "here's the respect". I exhaled and took my fourth hit, a monster one this time which i basically swallowed down into the cavity of my body. I laid down on the bed and just burst forward into the colors. It was amazing!! Very hard to describe what i saw. The myriad of colors pulsated, rotated, and morphed in front of me. I am not too familiar with history and cultures but there was definitely a sort of aztec/mayan type familiarity to it all, but in this case what i was seeing could probably not be reproduced by human hands.

Had i taken another hit i may have gone farther, but for my introduction i was very pleased. Thank you spice! Words really do not do justice for this experience. The experience is so fleeting, like a dream, it really only lasts five to ten minutes. I'm still just dumbstruck by the power in this! I love what mushrooms have shared with me, so healing, teaching, unlocking time and space. But this dmt, this stuff is like strapping yourself onto a rocket aimed at the center of it all. Before i had completely come down i had to run out of my room across the house and ask Aislyn if she wanted to try. I'm glad she did.

To Om shanti, Ras Asad, eastwood, Coopdog and everyone else - thank you sooo much!! The good vibes are very much appreciated. Richard Bach said, "Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof." I like to think we are all spiritual brothers and sisters, learning and growing together. Much love!

Btw, i still have this little stash of mullein left over, so i'll probably break routine a bit and journey out more this month. Hopefully i can bring back a little more knowledge to share with you. Until next time, peace.
shroom_seeker

[Oblivion]

I will not go further tonight.

A wise choice. When it's time, the spice will take you. Never force it, not ever. I've thought about the apprehension that comes prior the use of spice quite a bit. The only thing that makes sense(with spice we make that up as we go), is that we are opening up a door in our mind that we shouldnt be able to open yet. Our subconscious is aware of that but we carry on anyway. An amazing tool by any measure.
Nice report ShroomSeeker.

[shroom_seeker]

Thank you Oblivion. I gotta say that holding and loading that fine wooden pipe was very comforting for me entering into the experience. Hopefully we will come together many more times to journey with spice.

I forgot to mention in my report, on that fourth hit Miakoda completely lit up and glowed energy from the inside all the way into my body. It was a truly beautiful experience. Thank you Oblivion for that amazing vessel.

[Oblivion]

The power of the moon.....

[Calaquendi]

Great report brother. That's some amazing stuff is it not?

Totally agree with Oblivion about not rushing the spice...but I've done that a few times regardless, and got the hellified slap-down. It can do the impossible, really...

Love this thread, bless you Seeker!

[shroom_seeker]

Originally Posted by Calaquendi

Totally agree with Oblivion about not rushing the spice...but I've done that a few times regardless, and got the hellified slap-down. It can do the impossible, really...

I do appreciate those words of caution. I can only imagine what a spice smack-down would be like , based on my very limited experience i'd bet its quite intense. I'm in no hurry to take extra trips during these moons either, as i've got a good thing going now. So far i feel welcomed back.. we'll see.

Thanks for the visit Calaquendi.

[bbd2]

very good work
looking at the moon last night felt very significant knowing you were doing this while looking at the same moon
much love


about the fear
so far i have isolated 4 components, 3 physical, 1 mental
1. heart rate increase
2. tighteing of jaw and throat muscles (your jaw is just kinda set when you think about hitting the spice)
3. shallow breathing or outright breath-holding
4. a mental system that interprets these physiological sensations as 'fear'...it leads to thinking and rationalisations

consciously relaxing your jaw and throat and taking nice normal breaths, messes with #4 it deconstructs the fear

but for me the best mindset that works most frequently (nothings perfect )
is to not care what will happen
dont try to predict or imagine what its going to be like
even try to block or not linger on memories of past trips
show the spice the max respect
dont even try to peek behind the curtain before the show begins

[shroom_seeker]

Thanks bbd2.

[sagiboy]

ohh man i was worried...
bur damn all good huh?

im so fucking in love in this thread. shows how you can have it all.
very nice journey man.

p.s
ill join you next month

have you done shrooms with syrian rue?

[shroom_seeker]

Originally Posted by sagiboy

ohh man i was worried...
bur damn all good huh?

Thanks for stopping by sagiboy. Yes, the spice experience was good, all trips so far in this series have been positive for me. There's been some tough times mixed in too, but overall very positive.

im so fucking in love in this thread. shows how you can have it all.
very nice journey man.

p.s
ill join you next month

have you done shrooms with syrian rue?

Indeed, as you know it is quite an experience. I've dosed rue with mushrooms by encapsulating the seeds or simply making a tea. I definitely prefer the tea which i drink about fifteen or twenty minutes before taking the mushrooms. With the addition of rue my trips always take on a stronger more personal vibe - it's like the angry jewish god of the old testament wants to stop by and whip me into line for a few hours. I've had several ego death experiences on the rue/mushroom combo.. although a difficult process i always come out of that feeling rejuvenated. My rue experiences have been so strong that i have not revisited it for a few years now.

[sagiboy]

ive been watching this thread since day one.
waiting every fool moon for your report. (edit: just noticed.. fool moon hehe)

i grind 5g and cook 20 min with 150ml. ends up a shot of nastiest drink.
but i got the method going good. just a little maple syrup on the tongue and its all good.

what are your plans for next month? 5/3.5 last times. combined? with rue?

wish ya the best. save some spice for the mushrooms lol...

[Shroomette]

Great trip report shroom_seeker. Glad you enjoyed your experience with Spice. I experienced what you did at first, meaning that I only made it to limbo and didn't go any further due to the fact I couldn't get past the body buzz and the fear. You stated something about the incan/mayan familiarity that struck home. Because I saw color and patterns of the same sort and thought them to be mayan. I heard like a machine in the background (computer like sounds) but, I just couldn't get that 3rd hit in. But, I'm backing off from Spice til I know that I'm ready and am rid of the fear and nervousness. Thanks for sharing your wonderful journeys with us. Much love and peace brother.

[shroom_seeker]

Originally Posted by sagiboy

i grind 5g and cook 20 min with 150ml. ends up a shot of nastiest drink.
but i got the method going good. just a little maple syrup on the tongue and its all good.

Interesting method, sounds very potent. Not an unheard of amount of rue but more than i dose, two grams or so of rue kicks it way up for me. Curious, how does rue effect your trips sagi?

what are your plans for next month?

Well, you ever hear that saying 'go big or go home' ? lol i'm really not sure yet.

save some spice for the mushrooms lol...

[shroom_seeker]

Originally Posted by Shroomette

I experienced what you did at first, meaning that I only made it to limbo and didn't go any further due to the fact I couldn't get past the body buzz and the fear. You stated something about the incan/mayan familiarity that struck home. Because I saw color and patterns of the same sort and thought them to be mayan. I heard like a machine in the background (computer like sounds) but, I just couldn't get that 3rd hit in.

Interesting to hear about your spice experience and the similarity to my own. Sounds like we are both looking forward to breaking through in the future. Thanks for sharing that, and much love and peace to you Shroomette.

[sagiboy]

Originally Posted by shroom_seeker

Interesting method, sounds very potent. Not an unheard of amount of rue but more than i dose, two grams or so of rue kicks it way up for me. Curious, how does rue effect your trips sagi?

funny choice of words... check this out..

Originally Posted by sagiboy

23:00 i remember that i was thinking about the concept of CEV OEV and laughing my ass off because there was no fucking difference... boom!!.. i realized i outa "outthere" aka ""hyperspace"... and then..
pawwwWWWWW!!!!!!!! paaawwWWWWW!!!!!!!! pawwwWWWWWWWW!!!!
i felt (i guess the rue kicked in hard) like i was flying on some kind of a stick (as best as i can describe it) up up up up UP!!!!!!!

from this one:
http://forums.mycotopia.net/photo-ga...tml#post762957 (SagiBoy cubensis method)
http://forums.mycotopia.net/759798-post15.html (SagiBoy cubensis method)

[shroom_seeker]

Thanks for sharing sagi.

[shroom_seeker]

I just started reading this book called Astral Dynamics by Robert Bruce, its about Out of Body Experiences (thanks Ras ). Found his thoughts on the Lunar Cycle interesting and wanted to share:

The lunar cycle also seems to have an effect on projection exit difficulty levels, as well as on the frequency of spontaneous projections. I find the best time for OBE to be the week surrounding the full moon, with the first night of the full moon being my prime projection time. Although I have projected on every day of the month, all year round, I feel the urge to project more strongly during a full moon. Some people appear to be more affected by the lunar cycle than others.
I suggest that projectors check the lunar cycle against their successful projections, especially spontaneous ones. It is also worth checking this against lucid dreams and patches of vivid dreams, as opposed to uneventful dreamless nights. This will give a clear indication of the best time of the month for them to project, and whether or not the lunar cycle is affecting them. The moon factor may also contribute to or cause many common projection difficulties like cramps and pains and partial exits, especially when there is no moon at all.

[toadshroom]

I was thinkin of you buddy! I was going to "spice it up", but didn't have the right opportunity to do so. Much love, peace, and spicy vibes bro. Love your Halloween pic!

[shroom_seeker]

Originally Posted by toadshroom

I was thinkin of you buddy! I was going to "spice it up", but didn't have the right opportunity to do so. Much love, peace, and spicy vibes bro.

Thanks toad, i was thinking of you as well. Glad you are holding off for the right time my friend, wishing you the best on your next voyage.

Love your Halloween pic!

Thank you, won the '06 Pumpkin Contest with that one.
Also, wanted to include this pic of the full moon from last week - taken by and used with permission from our very own Ras Asad.
http://forums.mycotopia.net/rabbit-h...vest-moon.html (Happy Harvest Moon*)

[mystic]

WOW what a glowing orb of beauty.

SS once again I too was with you my friend at one point in the night in spirit. My first spice ride was very nice also at the peak of a ride on a other substance. I didnt have a break thru but was in love instantly with the feeling of love I encountered. The visuals I had were all intricate patterens and swirling color. I feel it is a definate teacher and will treat it as such always in the future. With high respect not to be abused. Saved for special times. Might per chance also partake when a needed elevation of awareness and clarity is needed in my life. I love that its called spice like in dune thats a beautiful connection to one of my favorite all time movies. Much love brother and may the spirit be with you on the next full moon.

[911aware]

very inspiring.

amazing when the light just overwhelms you isn't it? i respect your scientific approach to the journeys you have taken.

peace, and congrats on all your efforts.

[shroom_seeker]

Originally Posted by mystic

SS once again I too was with you my friend at one point in the night in spirit. My first spice ride was very nice also at the peak of a ride on a other substance. I didnt have a break thru but was in love instantly with the feeling of love I encountered. The visuals I had were all intricate patterens and swirling color. I feel it is a definate teacher and will treat it as such always in the future. With high respect not to be abused. Saved for special times. Might per chance also partake when a needed elevation of awareness and clarity is needed in my life.

I love that its called spice like in dune thats a beautiful connection to one of my favorite all time movies. Much love brother and may the spirit be with you on the next full moon.

I've heard of Dune, now gonna have to check out the book or movie. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and kind wishes Mystic.

Originally Posted by 911aware

very inspiring.
amazing when the light just overwhelms you isn't it?

You're right, it was extraordinary when the colors and light invaded my being. I've seen walls of patterns with closed eyes on mushrooms before, but not with the same force that i encountered on spice. I can only imagine what waits behind that wall..

i respect your scientific approach to the journeys you have taken.

Ooh scientific you say, i love it when you talk dirty to me. Thanks for the visit 911aware.

[sagiboy]

btw,
2009 Dec 31 19:14 - Full Moon.
{ 2009 Nov 2 , 2009 Dec 2)

[shroom_seeker]

Originally Posted by sagiboy

btw,
2009 Dec 31 19:14 - Full Moon.
{ 2009 Nov 2 , 2009 Dec 2)

That's right sagiboy, december will play host to two full moons this year.. sometimes when two full moons appear in one month the second is referred to as a 'blue moon', although this term has varied and been used differently over the past few hundred years. This will be the only time in this life that we will see a Blue Moon New Years Eve.

[Arathu]

Hello,
It is very interesting to find this thread here, or perhaps it is something deeper than that. But I have been performing a Full Moon working of sorts myself over the past year along with various other meditations. Currently I am not experimenting with any actives in conjunction with my work and I have very similar experiences to report just as I have read in this thread. Through breathing and other mental techniques, such as complete thought negation very interesting results may be observed but it is a strange passive state that one has to remember AFTER the experience.

I saw mention of a question, "Have you ever heard what a tree has to say?" My answer to that is YES!

I perform an exercise I call "ond sharing", ond is the breath of life, so that in my mind, while I am physically inhaling with my body my mind is saying and experiencing the act of exhaling and vice versa, during the the physical exhale my mind is saying and experiencing inhale. This brings about the feeling and state of being the two simultaneously. Then there is the third watching the two so it works in three's.

Now literally when performing this in the close proximity to a tree, green plant, cave entrance, the earth itself, river, ocean, under the MOON, and etc. the sharing of the breath is a physical exchange of gasses. But with the mind it would seem that consciousness can be moved around as well. I have had conversations with the tree's and many other "entitites" like rivers, streams, a wild thunderstorm, and others. Seeking is my passion! Seeking the mysterious and mysteries of the universe is my path.

As soon as I get my hands on spores additional techniques will be added to the seeking..............

Very cool indeed............Great thread.

Arathu

[shroom_seeker]

Originally Posted by Arathu

Hello,
It is very interesting to find this thread here, or perhaps it is something deeper than that. But I have been performing a Full Moon working of sorts myself over the past year along with various other meditations. Currently I am not experimenting with any actives in conjunction with my work and I have very similar experiences to report just as I have read in this thread. Through breathing and other mental techniques, such as complete thought negation very interesting results may be observed but it is a strange passive state that one has to remember AFTER the experience.

Hello Arathu and nice to meet you.
I find it interesting that you have been doing moon work accompanied with meditation and similar practices. After these moons are over i plan to put in some work through meditation, recollection, body and dream work. Not all at once obviously.. have you ever heard of a recapitulation, Arathu? It seems we may be mirroring each other on different planes.. perhaps this meeting does go deeper. Either way i'd love to hear about any of your experiences if you feel comfortable sharing. Thought negation is the jumping off point for lucid dream work (along with intent).. i can say through this avenue it is possible to to bring in knowledge during the experience, or at least steer the experience to your will.

I saw mention of a question, "Have you ever heard what a tree has to say?" My answer to that is YES!

Haha it's funny because so many would consider one mad at the idea of communicating with a plant, tree, rock or animal. All one needs to do is examine indigenous plant workers to see how vital this communication is to their success. I'd like to share a passage from Tis Mal Crow's book - Native Plants Native Healing:

Kofumu and communicating with plants
As a root doctor, I have been taught that plants are sentient beings. They not only react to heat and light, but they know your intent and are capable of communicating. Plants communicate with each other, with other animals, and with humans. Unfortunately, most humans have forgotten how or were never taught to listen.

When i was a young student, my elders taught me to practice a slow rhythmic breathing technique and to clear my mind of all conscious thoughts. While in this relaxed state, you visualize a fire coming from your solar plexus that gets larger as you inhale and dims to an ember when you exhale.

After much practice at reaching this meditative state, I began to learn to communicate with the plants around me. It is not an audible sound but a case of knowing the message or the answer. I can ask questions and they can offer advice or just have a chat. When I need to find a plant for medicine, I ask them and then will get a picture in my mind and I can walk right to them. This works for me even when the plants are under ice and snow. They will direct me to a spot and when I dig through the snow, I will find the plant that I need. In the coldest part of winter, I was directed to dig in a snow bank where I found the plant that I needed, healthy and green with flowers blooming.

I asked the plants once what this type of communicating was called, and they told me "Kofumu." I asked if this was an Indian word, and they told me no, that this is a plant word. I have often asked elders if they know this word in their native language, but I have not found it yet in any Native dialect. I never asked them how to spell it, though, so the spelling is mine. I just spell it like it sounded.

I don't claim to understand how this works but only know that it does, and I have been able to teach some other people to do this. Usually, the hardest part is first accepting that it might work for them and then being able to completely clear their minds for any length of time. With lots of practice on your part, you will find that many plants are quite chatty; others are more reserved but will answer your questions if you are interested and respectful.

I perform an exercise I call "ond sharing", ond is the breath of life, so that in my mind, while I am physically inhaling with my body my mind is saying and experiencing the act of exhaling and vice versa, during the the physical exhale my mind is saying and experiencing inhale. This brings about the feeling and state of being the two simultaneously. Then there is the third watching the two so it works in three's.

Intriguing. Totally opposite mind projection of the meditations i am familiar with, but strikes me as less selfish and more yin yang or in unison. I tried this method last nite and it felt good. Thanks for sharing that, i will keep practicing this technique.

Now literally when performing this in the close proximity to a tree, green plant, cave entrance, the earth itself, river, ocean, under the MOON, and etc. the sharing of the breath is a physical exchange of gasses. But with the mind it would seem that consciousness can be moved around as well. I have had conversations with the tree's and many other "entitites" like rivers, streams, a wild thunderstorm, and others. Seeking is my passion! Seeking the mysterious and mysteries of the universe is my path.

This is a beautifully mysterious existence we're dancing in is it not!?

As soon as I get my hands on spores additional techniques will be added to the seeking..............
Very cool indeed............Great thread.
Arathu

My friend i think you will benefit from the addition of mushrooms to your seeking. They work well together, and the meditation and other work you've done should do nothing but help you traverse these strange new realms. Wishing you love, light and the best of luck on your path.

[Om shanti]

Hope you have a blast tomorrow, shroom seeker!

Moon Viewing at my Hut.

Oh, Glorious Moon. I strolled
Around the pond all night long.
-Basho

[shroom_seeker]

Thank you very much Om!


A few orange cap cakes for your viewing pleasure.
just in time - blast if is late tomorrow night

[GadgetGuy]

Nom nom nom nom enjoy brother. You are very inspiring

[Frequency]

Much love and respect brother Shroom_Seeker!

Go forth valiant messenger of sacred knowledge! May your journey be filled with insight and your soul steadfast in confidence! Beautiful thread.

[Arathu]

"Mani........mighty tongue of heaven all full, we see thee now as we saw thee in bygone nights. Though art our moon tonight as thou was the moon of our ancestors.".............Killer Full Moon on Halloween. The PLAN is to have a completely different ritual for the blue moon this year........lets see how it goes.

Arathu

[shroom_seeker]

Thank you very much Gadget Guy and Frequency for your kind words and wishes. It means a lot to me to have spiritual brothers like you sharing your presence and encouraging me at this moment. Love and respect back to you!

Arathu that is a touching verse i thank you for that and wish you luck on your upcoming Blue Moon - what a great way to bring in the new year.

tonight we fly
and dare to dream
of a november sky
past the clouds
and toward the moon
knowing the end
comes far too soon

[Aislyn Wendell]

I love you. I hope you have a great trip. I'll be with you... even though I'll be asleep.
I can't wait to read your report tomorrow!

[eastwood]

The moon was shining so bright here tonight.I looked up an thought,i hope seeker is having a beautiful ride.

[copelandiaKidd]

so seeker, how was the journey????????????????????????????

[Oblivion]

I don't know how things went, but I was kept up all night long bro. Couldnt help but think your journey was an intense ride to say the least. Cant wait to see....

[shroom_seeker]

Oblivion, you were right.

Not sure where to begin. That one hurt. Eight hours after ingestion i'm trying to find the baseline, far far from normal.

I weighed out 60 grams fresh of my most choice mushroom specimens. There was some noticeable loss in weight from being partially dried in the refrigerator, my starting dose was probably somewhere between 70 and 90 grams. Of course i just had to shoot for that lucky number 9.

Blended with orange juice the drink went down surprisingly smooth. I had spent the earlier part of the day setting up the futon in my spare room. This would be a solo journey not for the faint of heart. I mumbled to myself and maybe my wife beforehand that i did not want to do this alone. Although deep down i knew i had to.

Once again i started my trip with no feeling at all leaving me to wonder if i've gone and alienated myself from my dear mushrooms. I had no watch, but sure enough with time i felt the magic come on. Magic popped in my right ear and somewhere else in my body suggesting some lingering pains would be healed. Not much longer and i was in for the old we're gonna rip that ego away from your spirit routine. Kill it, it truly is a big liar. I was on my own now. No more running across the house and jumping in bed with wife to make everything better. I'm wayyyy past that now. At one point i began to examine what existence might be like without ego - that move i suspect helped catapult me into the core experience of my trip.

God its hard to put down and together. Somewhere in the middle of my own personal hell i found myself crying oommmmmmmooohhhhmmmmm. The weight of existence was truly crashing down on me when i transformed. Last nite i turned into a werewolf , wolf , or coyote. I recall aislyn coming to me concerned and asked something along the lines of 'what is going on with with the energy/humming?' I choked out the response 'wolf' to which she responded 'sounds more like a dying cow'. Funny in retrospect but at the time that comment just enraged me and fit perfectly with the feelings i had and the extremely painful process i was going through.

Imagine being turned completely inside out. It came from my heart quite literally and hurt. I pounded my fist against the bathroom countertop. I spat sweet nothings into the abyss. I cried out owww, owwww, ommmmmhhm. I howled from the depths of my soul crying out for a brother to join in. So many steps were taken. I searched for mother and father energies. Mystic - i hope i don't freak you out by saying your love circled and protected me last nite. Thank you sister, from the bottom of my aching heart. Now i know what you meant earlier in this thread when you mentioned the harm i've suffered to this point. My big ego was telling me earlier, harm, what harms? God, nothing but this experience would show me how much harm this path can actually cause. I uttered the word dad. I love you dad. I know somehow you are the one person that can truly relate to this great pain i bear. I had one of those really honest cries thinking about you last nite. You know the ones, where you don't actually sob or whimper at all but a tear or two just manifests in your eyes and you truly connect with the spirit of your loved ones. I love you, i love you, i love you. I'm sorry for my fuck-ups, and i forgive you for yours.

This process, this experience took a huge toll on my body. This may change my life and some choices i make. I do not want to die, and more than ever i am feeling an urge to nourish this gaudy frame i tote around. I'd like to add that this is the point in this thread where i quite emphatically stick my topia flag into the ground. I've got nothing left to prove. The trooper in me says most likely i will go ahead with my final two moons but for the time being i have been beat down like a dog and i have a lot of pieces to put back together again. I'm very grateful for the friends i've made. And though the cost was very high i'm glad for the trip i've taken. Thank you mushrooms. What a long strange trip its been.

[Aislyn Wendell]

Originally Posted by shroom_seeker

I recall aislyn coming to me concerned and asked something along the lines of 'what is going on with with the energy/humming?' I choked out the response 'wolf' to which she responded 'sounds more like a dying cow'. Funny in retrospect but at the time that comment just enraged me and fit perfectly with the feelings i had and the extremely painful process i was going through.

Sorry, I wish I could have been there for you. The noise you were making really put me on edge (like nails on a chalkboard) - something between a dying cow and a cat in heat. It just radiated a very anxious and nervous energy through the house, and I felt like it dead-ended right in my head. It made my heart race and my head pound, I still feel sick... It seemed like you were expelling that energy everywhere... maybe getting rid of it from yourself...

I do recall you saying "It's like being turned inside out," early in the trip and later you said that you were going through a transformation - and that was when your energy and noise was at its most intense and difficult. You also told me to leave you alone which left me in a terrible position, and culminated in taking my energy and turning it to anger. I'm really sorry, and I hope you didn't pick up on it too much. I love you.

[GypsyDancer]

Kudos to you Seeker! I can truly relate to the stripping away down to the essence of where the pain really lies. You have done well my friend to go where many cannot. Fear is outweighed by love, pain is outweighed by love. Love is the purest emotion anyone can experience but the one that most of us deny ourselves due to the latter two experiences. Now that you have been stripped down, you give yourself ample opportunity to love yourself and those in your life fully for the first time. No ego no fear no pain, just the purity of love and compassion. I feel as though many beautiful things are headed in your direction now that you have brought down the roadblocks. Be prepared, for this is a beginning as well. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with all of us here!

~Namaste

[prism]

'sounds more like a dying cow'



I read that and blew orange juice all over my laptop...

Great thread SS,

I do think that if you feel you are done, and ready to stop, I don't think anyone here would fault you for it. Do whats best for you my friend.

On the other hand... Maybe since you have killed some demons, you will have better journeys next moon...

Best vibes to ya bro... You have more balls than me...